Exactly What You Wanted
by Jiko Teima
Summary: Somehow, even though so much has changed, it feels like we're always back exactly where we started. [FINISHED] [Epilouge is up] [AU, slight ZADR]
1. Zim: Exactly

(Disclaimer: I own nothing. Also, because I'm lazy and don't feel like doing this every chapter, this is the only time you'll see it. )  
  
I hate Dib.  
  
I hate him with a burning passion. His smug smirk, his stupid hair, his stupid head. Everything about him just sets me off somehow.  
  
There's nothing I can do about it now though. That's the part I hate the most. I won't say it though. I'll never say it. I can't. He didn't. He couldn't have.  
  
…but he did. …he…beat me.  
  
That's why I'm here now. That's why I'm in this filthy stinking Earth apartment. It seems like things could be worse, but they really couldn't. This isn't just any apartment, you know.  
  
It's Dib's apartment.  
  
Instead of turning me into the FBI or the government, he kept me to himself. I wish he hadn't. I wish he'd turned me in. I would have been better off rotting in a jar or being dissected into a thousand pieces. Anything is better than this.  
  
Anything is better than being Dib's pet.  
  
That's exactly what I am to him too. A pet, an animal, some mongrel he found dying in the street! That's all I am! I HATE HIM SO MUCH!  
  
That's exactly how he treated me too. For almost the first year, I was in a cage. I hated that cage. It was too small. I doubted if a large dog could stand in it. I never begged, but I always screamed for him to release me. I think the screaming lasted a month or so. Time passes rather fast in an iron hell. All I know was that it wasn't very long.   
  
At least once daily, sometimes twice, he would make sure I knew what I was. His pet. He even turned my pack into…into an accessory. It just hung limply on my back like some…dead beetle-leech, simply keeping me alive. All my weapons were gone though.   
  
Other days he would crawl by my hell like the worm he was and whisper to me horrid nothings. Reminding me, making sure I constantly knew I would never be able to leave him. That I was his forever.  
  
There were also days where if he was in a bad mood, he would check to see if I was gripping the bars. If I was he would hit them with a rulerstick until I either let go or my fingers broke. I'm proud to say that I never once let go.  
  
One day though…he let me out.  
  
" You look sickly." He had said, disgusted, ' Stretch a little. I'm putting you back in there in an hour. Don't even think of trying the doors or windows either."  
  
I didn't. I had seen him lock them. He never put me back in that cage after that either. He did make me wear a collar though. I hated that almost as much as the cage. He had tackled me down and forced the retched thing on me. If my pack had been working, he wouldn't have dared.  
  
It was tight and really itchy. He had put his own dog tag on it too. ZIM--Property of Dib Membrane. I hated it.  
  
I didn't complain after the first day though. The first day I was thrown against the wall and he'd threatened to put me in my hell again. It had worked. I never wanted to go back in that box again.  
  
He let me walk around the apartment as I pleased now. I now had access to windows. Not that I could escape. Without my pack, I wasn't strong enough to both break through the glass and jump down four floors.   
  
The world had changed a lot in two years. 'Hell' would be an accurate description. Human-devil-beasts lurking in the street, feeding off of whatever they could, including each other, with new arrivals everyday. Somehow, even with that, the population had decreased tenfold.   
  
Another race of aliens invaded just before I was caught. They destroyed anything they could find and left. Cowards. All it was was a bloody rampage. The sad part was, it didn't end after the aliens left. All that was left was nothing and people would do anything to obtain that sweet nothing, even kill.  
  
That's when Dib caught me. I'd been hit by something; I don't even remember what. It was probably a piece of a falling building. He had just taken me and ran. There was no elaborate battle sequence. Just more cowardice.   
  
Once aliens had discovered Earth (other than me of course), they came constantly. There was a big group of dirt-humans though, that were making sure no aliens ever stayed. They loved picking on the humans though, so even those that survived came back for more.  
  
Of course, Dib was a part of it. I'll bet he never told them he keeps a pet alien at home.   
  
It's funny how someone can change so much and still be exactly the same as they were before. Dib had gotten exactly what he had always wanted. Somehow, even though his precious home, family, and lab equipment had all been destroyed years ago, he had still gotten exactly what he wanted in the end.  
  
That asshole.  
  
After all, what had I gotten? Nothing. I lost everything. My base. GIR. All methods of transport back home. They were all gone. I had to admit, I missed that malfunctional little thing sometimes.  
  
Eventually…Dib took the collar off me. It had taken me by surprise. He assured me, of course, that I still could never leave. Infact, he slammed me into the wall, just to make sure of that.  
  
After that day though, he had become more…civil somehow. He would talk to me, show me his research, and even let me have some new clothes. After eight years of living among the filthy stink-beasts, Earth's gravity has begun to affect me somewhat. I had actually gotten taller. Now I am only about a half foot shorter than the Dib-human (who is exceptionally tall for an Earth boy. Or at least I thought so).  
  
He would even leave the apartment for long periods of time, trusting me to be alone. I knew he locked the doors. I knew the windows were sealed. I knew I had no hope left in me at all at this point. Two years is a damn long time.  
  
When he would leave, I would do some exploration. Usually though, I would just wind up reading one of his books. Most of them were his own, handwritten onto blank pages, notes on…everything. On me. On Earth's new atmosphere. On other aliens. Anything he could think of, it seemed. When he got bored, he would even doodle Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Beast around the edges.  
  
Of course he other books too. Mostly inferior Science books that were useless before and useless now. He only had a couple of other books. Infact, I think the first book I had read was…argh…I can't even think of the title. It was something stupid like Jeter Dan or something…decent story though.  
  
Most of the time I was left just thinking. Just mind wandering, stupid thinking. Mostly about possible explanations for Dib's strange behavior.   
  
One day when he came home from wherever the hell he goes, I noticed he didn't stop to unlock the door.  
  
" Oops," He said with a smirk. " I guess I forgot."  
  
Of course, it was both locked and bolted the next day when I tried. Curse you Dib.   
  
(A/N: Ah…haven't written a Zim fic in a while. I like this one too. The next chapter will be up soon. Infact, I already have it written, I'm just putting this one up as a teaser. So please R&R and let me know what you think. ) 


	2. Dib: Illumination

This is the last place I ever thought I would be.

Sitting here, notes spread out everywhere, face illuminated by candlelight, hunched over a notebook with bags under my eyes…God, I must look like my father.

Then there's _where _I am. I managed to snag myself an apartment before all the buildings were taken. Most homes were desecrated, so suddenly the world was homeless. People can get desperate you know. I've heard stories about people that have killed for a roof over their heads.

Of course there's also who I'm with. Zim.

I found him. I caught him. I won. I still hated him though.

It was sometime during The Impact. He was sprawled in a pile of rubble like a rag doll, limp and unmoving. So I; a stupid, bloodstained fourteen-year-old, scooped him up and ran. Of course, I had to tinker with his pack a little. Just enough so that he couldn't hurt me. Enough so that he would still be alive. He wasn't going to die yet. Of course, when he discovered it, he was extremely angry. Said I'd killed it.

I remember it was a great feeling. I knew that he needed it. I was destroying all he had left in this world.

It didn't feel good. It felt _wonderful_.

It's been five years since then. I'm nineteen and Zim…God, I don't know how old he is. It's been a long time though.

The first few years were hard. It was difficult to adjust to the world. Everything was gone. There were no homes, just shelters. There weren't any skools either, but I seriously doubt if Miss Bitters would be dead. She was such an old hag.

I must have done all right if I can still laugh about stupid things like this. Or maybe it means I'm losing it even faster.

Anyway, things were hard. My house and family were destroyed and I had mixed feelings about it. After all, my dad thought I was the freak of the family. The one who would amount to nothing. He had never cared about Gaz or me. He just locked himself away in his lab all day. I have no idea just what it was he did either. As though SuperToast was a real scientific discovery. Pfft.

Then again…he was my dad.

Gaz hated me, but it was the same thing. She was my sister, and the only one who ever bothered to hang around me.

They had died and I could have saved them…I could have done something. I even had a gun with me. I could have fought back for them. I didn't though. I watched them die. Then I laughed as rain poured down my face.

In those first few years, I thought about that a lot. It was one of the only things on my mind. Whenever it got to be too much, I would turn to Zim.

Zim. Zim in his little cage, always stubbornly gripping the bars. He still had some hope left in him after all. I could see fear though, buried in those ruby eyes. Fear for me. That fear was mine and mine alone.

I never hit him. In my mind it was always my father, or Gaz, or some other kid from skool, or some skeptic that had called me insane that was beneath that yardstick. I would hit and hit and hit until I could see the blood clearly in my mind. That's when I would realize it was Zim's and not anyone else's.

I suppose I blamed him. I blamed him for things he had caused and things that were beyond his control and things that he would never ever know. However, there was no one else to blame. Everyone else was gone. I made sure he knew he was at fault. I didn't know how or why, but I just knew he had something to do with this madness. I even remember vaguely screaming at him in a blinding fury, while smacking his fingers as hard as I could with my death ruler.

" It's your fault…It's your fault! You did this! YOU DID ALL OF THIS!"

Smack.

" It's your fault!"

Smack.

" IT'S YOUR FAULT!"

Smack.

" IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!"

I could feel it twisting and burning inside me, ready to tear me apart. I was never exactly sure what 'it' was. Maybe it was rage. Maybe it was insanity. That seemed most likely.

It bothered me. It bothered me so much I let Zim out of his cage. He wouldn't leave anyway. He couldn't. Just to make sure I was still in charge, I slipped a collar on him. He put up quite a fight over that one, I remember.

I had to force my self to not strangle him, to not hurt him as I had. Mental abuse was still constant, but it always had been, ever since we'd first met. It was strange though, really living with Zim. It was strange having someone around that actually wanted to look at his research and didn't mind talking with the freak once in a while. So eventually the collar was abandoned as well.

One of the things I had been researching was the effects of the new gravity on Earth. Or at least on Zim anyway. He'd become much taller than he'd been before. Even when I was fourteen he had still been the same size as when I first met him, but he'd grown like a bean since then. I even had to give him some of my old clothes, even though he always drowned in them. Any T-shirt of mine could have been a dress on him.

The only other really big thing about the new atmosphere is the rain. It rains almost daily for one reason or another. The sky is always overshadowed by a mushroom cloud memory of years ago. I haven't seen the sun in ages.

" Why does it always rain?" Zim sneered out the window one day, " I'm surprised your Earthian water-poison doesn't kill you all."

" Something's gotta wash the dirt off the street," I said, looking down on the filthy street.

" Funny, I thought that was your job." Zim smirked. He hadn't lost all of his pride and confidence yet.

" No, but it used to be," I sighed, " After all, how many years did I chase _you_? Three? Four?"

" Very funny."

" I thought so."

" So what are you supposed to do now?" He asked me out of the blue, " You haven't been doing any of that paranormal research…"

" It's not _para_normal if it's common knowledge." I said coolly.

" You know what I mean, Dib." He looked me in the eyes.

I only glanced at him, " Do you know what happens to children's dreams?"

" Dreams?" He questioned me.

" I've heard somewhere that dreams are put in a box to be admired forever. That's a lie." I smirked, " My dreams were ripped brutally away and thrown in an ocean somewhere."

" Interesting…" Zim mused, as though it was familiar somehow, though I can't imagine where. Either that or he was mocking me.

We stood there for several moments, watching the sorrow of the world rain down and flood the rats. Even from the fourth story, we watched the demons scurry to find shelter from the tears of a world they would never know.

" You know Zim…" I said, " Humans tend to associate rain with sadness and despair."

" I tend to associate it to pain." He said in a serious tone.

" Hm…that seems fitting too." I agreed, looking out the window again.

Zim's arrogance had toned down greatly since I'd first met him. That blinding arrogance that clouded his mind from ever succeeding was gone. Somewhere in my mind, I knew that was my fault, but I always forced that thought back down.

It's funny. After all these years, aliens were a constant. Everyone knew aliens existed. The world was turned backwards and upside down. All the people that doubted him were gone. Some days it seemed like everyone was gone. That the entire world was gone and it was just us. Just me and Zim.

It was a strange thought I had, with mixed emotions. We hated each other. At this point though, there was no one else. Anyone else that had ever mattered was gone.

Everyone except Zim. Zim was still here.

It wasn't really a bad thought either. That was the weirdest part.

…Maybe I'm just tired. It seems I've been constantly weary since all of this began. There was lots of work to be done after all, whether it was keeping Earth safe from invasion, or trying to rebuild what was lost. I have to wonder why anyone would want it the way it was though. Put simply, it sucked before. …I guess it sort of sucks more now though.

It makes me wonder why I ever bothered to try and save it. Why I still do. Perhaps I was just afraid of things getting worse?

I don't know…it's one of the only things that keeps me going. That and Zim. I feel almost mechanical sometimes, doing the same thing day after day running on the fuel left behind by sinners.

That's all we can do really. We get by with the mundane same-old same-old that lasts forever. Rampant attacks from races we've never even heard of before keep us from rebuilding important things like a new government and economics.

Our life is a post-apocalyptic hell full of rats and sinners and fallen angels that will never rise.

(A/N: Thank you for all the lovely reviews last time! The next chapter should be coming soon, I promise. Please R&R. )


	3. Zim: Monster

I was awakened from my slumber by a loud slammy…door noise.

I suppose I had fallen asleep reading another one of Dib's stupid Earth books for the trillion and fifty-first time over. By then the plot had become just too predictable and bored me to tears. I had awoken slumped awkwardly against the windowsill. I knew I had dreamed, but I couldn't remember what of. I had never been able to since I had come to be Dib's…come to live with Dib. It made me wonder if they were nightmares. I can't say I would be surprised.

Dib was the one who looked like a nightmare however, standing dangerously in front of the door, drenched to the bone and glaring dangerously. He had obviously returned from one of his "outings".

The Dib-thing went "out" very frequently. Sometimes the "outings" would last a few hours and sometimes they would last a few days. Even so, he always came back more miserable than when he had left.

Those were the days he shut himself away with his research and wouldn't come out for hours. I never asked him to. It was none of my business what he did outside of this apartment. Nothing beyond this apartment was my business. Why should I care about what things he did in the hell-streets of this stink-hole? I knew he never expected me to comfort him and I knew I never would. That was just the way we were between us, I guess.

I had to admit though…I wondered occasionally what it was angered him so much. On some really hard nights, he would throw things around the apartment, just to hear their loud clanks and shatters. Sometimes he would throw me, to see what kind sound I made. If I would wail or cry or scream or whimper.

I never did. Not even once.

Whenever I looked out that one window though…I just saw the rats of the street and wondered how they could be angering him so. I didn't know what else could be. I didn't know what else there was. I had never seen the aliens that Dib's notes said plagued the Earth. For all I knew, he could be out getting tippy on a daily basis. " Drunk" is what I believe humans call it.

Dib never really told me just what it is he does. It wasn't really something I needed to know I guess. I had found out about the alien fight after reading some of his notes on various species they had beaten. Stupid stink-beast. He could have easily hidden it from me, but he left it out for anyone who cared to discover. Foolish human.

As foolish as he was though, I still hated those days more than any other. Those days made me remember what he was like when I was in my hell. The horrifying monster that he had morphed into whenever I was "bad". Like the sort of vile creature that slept in wormbaby's closets, waiting for the most opportune moment to suck out their souls. As much as I hated to admit it, Dib could be utterly terrifying when he wanted to be.

He always had something on his mind. It was like some…parasite was crewing on his brain-meats. Some sinister, evil idea floated in his large head whenever he looked at me on those days. Those days he it seemed he was lurking behind every corner and that he loomed millions of miles over me, ready to skin me and eat me alive.

One day he told me he wondered what I tasted like. For the rest of the day, I made sure I kept my distance from him. Something in his voice has sent shivers all the way down to my squeedly spooch

I hated what he had turned me into. If Dib had ever done any of this to me before the impact, when he was a child, I would have torn him apart. I never would have hid from the Dib-human or…or feared him before. I would have taken his assaults head-on as he came at me with another punch.

Does this happen to all of the dirt-children when they reach adulthood?

The Dib-human had changed greatly since The Impact. He had transformed into an obsessive monster, who had claimed me to be nothing more than his pet. I was a toy to a beastly boy-child. He would rip and tear me and throw me around, but he would never throw me away. I was his.

" Forever," He said, with a strange curvy smile that I wasn't sure how to describe in human words. 'Sick' comes pretty close though.

In my mind, I always held on to the thought that I was not his. The thought that maybe one day I would escape this filth-hole and leave. The truth of the matter often blocked the fantasy from view however. There was no escape from that cage. My pack was as broken as I was. I could hear the rain as well. It almost always rained that filthy human poison…water. I wouldn't last a nanosecond out there. I knew it too.

Somehow, I wondered if Dib had let me out of my hell just because he had wanted to be able to beat me harder. On really bad days, I could hear more than just my fingers crack. I could feel the blood run down my body. I felt every punch, kick and slap a billion times harder than they actually were. It HURT.

The days that surprised me the most however, were the ones where the monster died for an afternoon or so. The ones where we were actually able to co-exist without him screaming like one of those ghost-things he always used to talk about, and without me lying in a red puddle of…red goop. I had never known Dib as a human capable of such things, even before the impact, so I was completely unprepared for anything he had in store when he wasn't raging on and on.

Of course, the monster was always resurrected eventually. Much to my disappointment.

So I sat up on the windowsill, watching the newly reborn Dib-monster as he watched me. The stare down of the century. I could tell he was trying to rip me apart with his eyes, like a mad dog-beast. It was funny in a strange sort of way. We used to fight with lasers and water balloons and now we fight with glares and words. Of course, I usually wind up beaten in our word games, in a most literal sense.

Finally, Dib surrenders with a sigh, giving me a final disgusted look and retreats to his precious research. I won. I beat him.

As he moves around the corner, I let out a small hollow laugh that only I could hear. I'd won. I'd finally won.

…So why was it that I felt like I'd lost everything?

(A/N: Finals are coming up, so I won't be able to update again until after next Friday. Sorry! I'll be back after next week, definitely. )


	4. Dib: Big Empty

I really didn't want to go back to that apartment.

I didn't want to face Zim that day. At that moment I wanted to run far away (even though my body wouldn't have allowed it) and never have to see his horrible green head again.

My clothes were torn and tattered and I was covered in a mix of my own blood and the enemy's blood and the blood of fallen comrades. I hated blood. It was sticky and really hard to wash out of clothes.

Of course, the aliens we were fighting were not advanced beings with plasma rays and all of the advanced weapons we were prepared for. No, they were the Swardins, intergalactic barbarians who slashed us with their scythe-like claws. They were almost like space grim reapers.

Ha. Didn't they know everything here was nearly dead already?

I knew I had been hurt badly, so badly I was having trouble standing up right. Unfortunately, there was nothing I could do but rest and hope aliens didn't decide to invade tomorrow. After all, none of the good doctors that survived The Impact had stayed in this stupid town. They migrated like brainless birds to where they thought most of the people were, the big cities like New York and Chicago. Where they thought they were needed the most.

As though anyone would be there. When alien ships blow up a place full of skyscrapers like Manhattan, all the buildings fall down really fast. No one would have had time to escape. I'm guessing, since the doctors never came back, that they all died of starvation or something to that effect.

Instead of going inside to lie down on a bed, I slid down against the door, leaving a bloody trail after me. I felt my body involuntarily slump over a little, forcing me to stare at my boots. I had managed to paint them red as well. With a little effort, I forced my body to lean against the door.

Breathing hard and heavy, I looked down the hallway. It felt weird being alone in an entire apartment building, but for these new times I thought it was practical to claim the whole building. After all, if someone were hunting you down, it would take them ages to look through all the apartments. By then I would already be gone.

I realize now that I could have brought several people off the streets if I hadn't been so greedy, but I try not to think about it. After all, they didn't do anything to save themselves. They were just a bunch of rats in the street, whom if they had tried harder, could have found homes. It's not _my_ fault they didn't. They deserve all they've gotten.

I knew I wasn't the only one who had done this anyway. Several of my comrades from the Earth Defense Alliance had found shelter as well. After all, this wasn't the only apartment complex in this stupid city. Perhaps we were the new upper class society then, looking down on the scum of this new world.

The unfortunate truth is, we weren't. We were the soldiers, fighting to keep our world safe, even though it had already fallen apart. Those devils in the streets? They watched us all, not bothering to offer a helping hand. No, they would watch us fight and fall on our own. Congratulated us when we won, booed us when we lost.

None of us cared though. It was just like it had been before The Impact. People are lazy and expect others to do everything for them. Imagine their surprise when they've been stepped on by an alien robot and couldn't be bothered to move.

Sometimes though…I look down the halls and wonder what kind of people lived here before me. Were they lazy masses? Were they scientists like me? Were they ordinary people who were just trying to keep food on the table?

No one had ever come to me demanding I give their home back. All of them were gone for one reason or another. All that was left now was the big empty of the hallway and the quiet laughter that lingered behind. It was haunting.

My head involuntarily leaned to one side and I found I was sitting in a crimson puddle. Unless I felt like sleeping out in the hallway permanently, I needed to get inside of the apartment. My legs refused to cooperate however, and wouldn't let me stand up. I was forced to use the doorknob as leverage and pulled myself upright.

With a swift click the door unlocked. I hesitated again. I knew Zim wouldn't be able to just leave me alone about this one. I knew that he would say something. In the back of my head, I wondered vaguely why that bothered me so much.

Slowly, trying to keep my balance, I opened the door. I leaned against it for additional support, so I wouldn't collapse. Breathing heavily, I dared a glance toward my alien.

And there was Zim, staring in horror at what I thought was me. Then I turned my head just a little and saw the mess I had left in the doorway. Oh.

Zim seemed to be searching in his little green head for words, trying to string together a coherent sentence. Words were the last thing I wanted coming out of his mouth. I could feel a small rage bubbling up inside me, ready to burst through the surface.

Then he said it.

Zim said the worst possible thing he could have said at that moment.

" What…" Zim started, still looking for the right words, " What happened?"

I don't remember how I was able to move so fast, but somehow I had Zim against a wall in seconds. My hands curled around his neck and I listened to him trying to breathe. I remember thinking what a sweet sound it was. Gripping and squeezing, I couldn't get enough of the beautiful noise.

I know I screamed at him. Long, strings of curses were thrown and every one hit. I watched him writhe and squirm and struggle in my fists with sick pleasure.

As quick as it had come though, my adrenaline rush died. My fingers had let go of Zim slowly and I found myself swaying to a beat I couldn't hear. I put my arm out against the wall so I wouldn't tumble to the floor. I could never do something like that in front of Zim.

I looked up at him, trying my hardest to refocus my eyes. He hadn't moved from his spot. Not that he could have, seeing as I was slumped over him against the wall. His eyes never left me either. There was a lovely ring of extremely light green that stood around his neck, courtesy of me. I watched in a daze as he slowly regained his breath.

That's when I realized it. I had been doing it again.

My breath stopped short a moment and I stared at him. I stared for the longest time and he stared back. Finally, unable to say anything, I shoved against the wall so I could get away. I needed to get far away from Zim.

Before I could get that far though, I felt my foot slip. I was falling and with the deep gashes on my arms, I wouldn't be able to catch myself. I seemed to fall endlessly. I shut my eyes, trying my best to prepare for the pain my stumble would bring.

…That pain never came though. All I felt was a slight sting on my wrist. I opened my eyes slowly and saw the last thing I had expected to see.

It was Zim.

He had one hand wrapped around my wrist, suspending me in the air. The white shirt I gave him had dark red polka dots scattered on it and only then did I realize it was my blood. Curiously, he pulled me up by my arm. I hung limply by his grip.

" Get up." He said harshly.

I wanted to smack him. I wanted to have him on the floor; I wanted him to be hurting and bleeding as much as me when I was done with him. How dare he talk that way to me? His MASTER? His GOD?

I held back though. Otherwise I'd do it again and this time, one of us wouldn't make it out alive this time. I stood as best as I could, and Zim became my ladder. Once I was on two feet again, I stared at Zim again. Not with gratitude and not with gratefulness. Just a simple stare.

I turned to leave and Zim didn't stop me this time. I'm sure he got a kick out of watching me hobble against the wall to my study. That didn't matter to me though. If he laughed, I'd make him wash the blood of the carpet with his face.

Shutting the door behind me I stopped and sighed. My hands were shaking and I wasn't sure why anymore. Slowly, I made my way over a sea of research notes to a filing cabinet in the corner. With a little effort, I pulled it open and pulled out some medical wrap I had stolen from the wreckage of the old hospital.

My shirt was so torn, all I had to do was pull it a little and it came right off. It wasn't as though I would be wearing it again anytime soon. When I saw my arm clearly for the first time, I realized this would probably take me all night.

Still, I stubbornly wiped away blood with tissues and wrapped it as best as I could. It would have been much easier with help, but I would have gnawed my arm off before I asked Zim for it.

It must have taken me hours to tend to all of my wounds. I remember that my chest and back had been the most difficult, having to reach around at odd angles to wrap the wound with the bandage. Finally, I laid back on my mattress (since it really couldn't be called a bed) and stared up.

There, gazing up at the ceiling, I thought I heard someone laugh at me. I quickly sat up and regretted it moments later. No one was there.

I laid back down, trying to ignore the pain that seemed to come from everywhere. I shut my eyes, pretending I hadn't heard anything. There was no one there after all. There was nothing but the big empty that was my life.

(A/N: I'm baaack. Thank you for all the lovely reviews, I really appreciate them. The next chapter should be up very soon, now that school's out for the summer. : ) )


	5. Zim: Dreambox

It's raining again.

It always rains here, and I've grown accustomed to it now. It's still annoying though. More proof that I will never be able to leave Dib's clutches. Even if I were to try and escape on a day it didn't rain (which was an extremely rare occurrence on this stink-hole), it would more than likely rain the next day, before I could get far enough away.

Dib's been out-of-commission for the past few days since that 'incident'. How the human managed to slice himself upon the first place, I'm not entirely sure, but he's long since healed and he hasn't gone "out" since.

Not that I care at all.

At least he's been kind enough to ignore me lately. Infact, he seems to be avoiding me for whatever reason, and leaving me to my own devices (or lack there of). He's always locked in his study, and whenever I do see him now, he's engrossed by some ignorant Earth book or a newly discovered piece of information. He won't even look at me.

I still wonder what happened, but after the 'incident' from last time I don't dare ask. It seems something at wherever it is he goes 'out' to scared him. Whatever it was must have really been something spooky. I mean, he's never been like this before, and I can't think of anything else that would have frightened him.

It doesn't matter though, because he just leaves me in peace (not in pieces for once) in my spot on the windowsill. It's the only place I can actually tolerate in this hellhole, since it gives me a glimpse of the outside world. Even if it was always raining poison…it was still something to look at.

Someday I catch myself looking up at that grey blanket above the Earth, half expecting The Armada to burst through, shredding the sky into little pieces and flying about in their almighty glory. Millions upon millions of voot cruisers, lining up to shoot down the remaining buildings until they are only ashes.

Then after that, one of the voot cruisers would pull up to this stupid foggy window and smash it open. The glass of the pod would slide open, revealing an Irken like me standing proud. A SIR would salute me as his master reached a hand out to me.

" We've come to bring you home." He'd say to me.

Almost immediately, I'd take his hand and I would be crammed into his voot cruiser (for they aren't the roomiest of vehicles). As the glass shuts in front of us, I would see Dib climbing through the glass to stand on the outside edge, as though he could somehow grab me and pull me back.

Then, my new commrade gives me the greatest of honors. He allows _me_ the pleasure of blowing my prison into bits and pieces. Oh, how I would watch the pieces fall like confetti. Sweet destructive confetti.

This is when the tallest would show up on the view screen, congratulating me on a job well done and apologizing for their late arrival. They would also compliment me on my sudden growth spurt. My comrade, his SIR, and myself would all salute them off and we would fly back through the clouds into the starry sky.

It would be wonderful.

Usually by now I would be awoken from my precious dayslumber. Usually by the Dib-beast or some equally irritating sound outside my dream world. I hate that. It means I have to remember that my dreams aren't my reality.

They are rather nice dreams though. I don't know…I guess it proves I still have hope…somewhere. They remind me of things I used to have and things I will have eventually.

Dib never talks about his dreams anymore. He used to have so many of them but they just seem to have disappeared. They faded and wore away so now all he has is his stupid reality. There's an area where I still reign supreme to him--I still have my dreams intact.

…Not that I care or anything like that. Why would it bother me that he screwed up his life? After all, he managed to screw up mine _completely_.

I still can't help wondering just what goes on where he 'goes' all the time. It doesn't matter though. For all I know, he'll probably never go back. He'll live to be one of those fairy-tale hermit creatures who spends all day working in his study. Never goes out, but still brags to the world that he's got a pet alien.

Still…I wish he'd leave. I hate it when he's here. He's so unpredictable and I can't stand him! I wish I could just shove him out the door--or even better, out the window--and make him leave me alone for the rest of my miserable existence. I'm going to be stuck here the rest of my life whether he's here or not, all because of that stupid rain. I hate the rain! I don't need him here taunting me as well.

…I must admit though…it would be sort of lonely without him.

ARGH, what am I SAYING? I hate him! I HATE HIM! **I HATE HIM SO MUCH!**

Stupid Dib, he's so annoying, especially the way he talks to himself. Granted, he did that before The Impact, but now he doesn't talk to anyone else anymore. Not even me.

Sometimes he'll just list various components he needs for a new project. Sometimes he'll just ask himself a question out loud.

His most disturbing discussions with himself came from his room late at night. He would never talk in his slumber, he would screech and cry out at the top of his lungs. I could never peek for too long though, because usually he would spring awake after a little while.

Somehow, he seems so much more vulnerable when he's asleep. In this horrid reality, he is always confident and cocky and is a horrid filth-beast. However, when he is dozing off he looks so frightened and vulnerable. Perhaps this is why he doesn't sleep very much anymore either. He must be afraid of his nightscares or something.

I still could care less though. Even if he weren't forcing me to remain here in his prison, I still would not care at all. After all he is nothing more than a filthy stink-beast. I am a superior being, even if I haven't felt much like it in years. Why should I care if he's scared or hurting? I should be causing that pain!

Someday The Armada will come for me. Someday. I'll probably be dead and gone by the time they arrive however. I still wonder why they haven't come already…after all, I disappeared from contact a little over five years ago. Then again, that really isn't all that long for our race. They'll probably coming looking in about five hundred years and by then I estimate that this Earthy water-poison will have worn down all the architectural structures, leaving me to die slowly.

At least the Dib-beast will be dead by then.

I still catch myself looking up at the sky through that one little window. It is incredibly depressing that no matter what time of day it is, you can never see the stars because of the smoky clouds. Another constant reminder of something I can never have.

Occasionally, I begin to doubt my leaders. I begin to think that they will never come and that even if they bothered to stop by this filthy dirt clod they would just laugh at my corpse. They would laugh at me, for I was stupid enough to be caught. By the enemy no less.

Of course that will never happen. I am a loyal Irken solider. They will come…eventually.

The Dib shall rue the day he messed around in Irken affairs more complex than his big head could handle. Oh he _shall_.

For now though, he will have to settle for wallowing in his misery. Whatever it is probably his own fault anyway. I've got nothing to do with it.

So I'll just sit here, alone on this windowsill, waiting for The Armada to show up. Then I'll blast Dib's brain out and I can go home…drink some space soda…do stuff…yeah.

…Why does that thought give me this…empty-black-hole feeling?

That does it. I simply must discover what it is that is making Dib this way. I must find learn why he shut his dream box so tight and why he won't say anything to me anymore.

It's not because I care. It's just…an informational study. What's that old Earth saying now? " Know thy enemy."? It seems appropriate…if I am ever to leave this place I must get by the Dib-Beast. I must know what it is that makes him so vulnerable…so WEAK! Then, I shall harness that information and use it AGAINST him!

So there. I do not care at all about him. There is no concern in me at all for that filthy human.

I shall confront the Dib tomorrow. Somewhere deep inside me, it feels like my squeedly spooch is bouncing around within me. Something inside me remembers vividly my iron hell and everything I've been put through thus far.

I still don't care though. I must know why he is behaving so oddly. There are no other options anymore.

(A/N: Thank you for all of the excellent reviews. Please R&R and the next chapter will be up really soon!)


	6. Dib: Any Other Day

I hadn't been ready to back just yet.

However, I had been out much longer than I really needed to be. A couple of days would have been acceptable, but I hadn't gone back to the Earth Defense Alliance HQ in over a week. Infact, I was surprised it took them this long to contact me.

Of course, it wasn't as though I hadn't been working. While I did fight, one of my main purposes in the Earth Defense Alliance was to create weapons and other useful items. I was both a research scientist and an inventor. I really _was_ turning into my father after all.

This and my injuries gave me wonderful excuses to hide in my study. I didn't leave unless I absolutely needed to. I just worked relentlessly on my newest project, trying to lose myself in my research. At this point, I didn't feel like I could even look at Zim.

Every time I saw him, I couldn't help feeling like I should say something, like I should _do_ something, but I never could. I just stood there helplessly until he noticed I was staring at him.

Sometimes he would stare back though. I'm sure I looked horrible. I slept as little as humanly possible, and when I did it was usually in hourly increments because nightmares plagued my dreamscape.

The dreams varied from night to night and the only constant was that they were never pleasant. Sometimes they would be of my past. Horrid, graphic images of my sister and father, bathed in blood, reaching for my throat. They would beg and plead to me, screeching and crying.

" Why didn't you save us?" They'd cry out, " Why did you leave us here to die?"

On the really bad nights my father's bloodstained lab coat morphs into Zim's uniform. This time, the bloodied, gloved hand would wrap its slim fingers around my neck, squeezing hard.

" Why?" He would ask, echoing my family " Wasn't capturing me enough? Why do you need to constantly push me within an inch of my retched life?"

I could smell and picture the blood covering him very clearly, as I'd been seen it very often in reality. It dripped down onto my own coat, flowing down in rivers.

" You make me sick, you filthy human." He'd continue, " You and your sadistic ways. You are the lowest of the low you horrid stink beast. I hate you with every fiber of my being."

With these words he would squeeze my neck tighter and tighter. I could feel everything he said and did and I was never sure what hurt the most.

" I hate you," He'd say, gripping me so hard that the tips of his fingers would draw blood.

Then Zim would easily lift me into the air and throw me a wide sadistic grin. Suddenly, my face would connect with the ground over and over and over.

" I hate you!"

Smack.

" I HATE YOU!"

Smack.

" I **HATE** YOU!"

Smack.

He'd pull me back up by the collar after that. I could see blood squeezing its way between the cracks in my glasses.

" Does this all seem familiar, Dib-human?" Zim would ask me, " This is what you've turned my life into! EVERY FILTHY MOMENT of my LIFE is this! This is all I have now, Dib! Are you satisfied now? Does this make you happy? DOES IT?"

He'd kick me and punch me and all I could do is hang limply in his hand because I knew I deserved it all. Usually, I'd wake up before the final blow was struck.

There were other nights though, when I'd dream of people I'd never seen. Things would play in the background, images of me beating Zim, of me screaming and of him looking petrified. These people, whose faces I never remembered when I awoke, would taunt me and ask too many questions. Usually I wound up screaming and crying at them and begging them to leave me in peace. I would wake up with tearstains on my cheeks on those nights.

These are the things that make me wish that I could have just one night where I didn't dream at all. God knows I hadn't had one of those in a while.

I remember Zim had jumped pretty high when he heard a knock on the door. I would have been more concerned if I didn't know who it was already.

" You'd better make yourself scarce," I said to him, my voice cracking from not speaking to him in days.

Zim nodded and scampered into the hallway, much like a rabbit would. Slowly, I headed for the door and opened it to find a comrade of mine.

His name was Hal, I believe. He stood taller than me with dark messy hair. Sporting a grey uniform, he was a messenger boy for the E.D.A.

" Why am I not surprised at all?" I asked sourly.

" Dib…no offense, but you look like shit, sir." Hal said, looking concerned at the bags under my eyes, " Have you been staying up all night working on the project?"

" My sleep habits aren't any of your business," I said, not wishing to have a casual relationship with him at all, " So why are you here?"

" There's an attack scheduled for today. We need you to come to HQ, sir." Hal reported.

" Ah, who is it this time?" I sighed, " Not the Swardins again, I hope."

" No, this is a new race that hasn't attacked us before." Hal said.

As he told me the name of the alien race my eyes went wide in shock. I thanked him for the information as I shooed him away and slammed the door behind him. Allowing myself only a moment to recover from it, I ran past Zim into my study. I threw things over, tore through all my research, rummaged through everything I owned until I found where I'd hidden all of my older notes and weaponry.

I quickly struggled to put it on, inserting my arm into the metallic one and strapping the power supply onto my back. There was also a headset I needed, and as I placed it on my world was tinted green. Then I grabbed a belt with guns in their holsters and realized that maybe I should have put that part on first. I didn't have time to take everything else off so I just struggled trying to slip it under the power supply.

I tore the door open furiously and ran to the living room. Before leaving I turned around and shouted to Zim.

" I'm going out!" I said in a hurried and harsh tone.

" WAIT!" He called out as I reached for the doorknob.

I turned back around to face him. What could he possibly want from me? This was no different from any other time I had left.

" I demand that you let me accompany you on your little "outing"." He said, with a determined face I hadn't seen since we were children.

I wondered vaguely when it had come back, that pure determination and arrogance of his that I thought had beaten down years ago. Realization hit though, that it had always been there, and that I had never rid Zim of it. I had only buried it beneath the surface of a broken green boy.

There, right in front of Zim I burst out laughing. I brought my arms across my stomach and laughed long and hard. I hadn't done so it a long time and it felt pretty good.

" What are you laughing at, Dib-human?" Zim asked harshly, " What is so funny?"

This of course just made me laugh even harder.

" Ha…H-How dare you demand me?" I laughed, even though that wasn't what was so amusing to me, " What…What are you going to do if I don't?"

Zim paused for a moment. I guess he hadn't though of that part yet.

" Take me with you." Zim said finally, boldly taking a step foreword.

I was still snickering a little. I hadn't heard him speak to me like this since we were children, and for some reason I thought it was hysterical. Soon though, I managed to calm myself down enough to talk in an even tone.

" You can't." I said, more serious than before.

" Why not?' He asked, " What is so spooky there? I must know!"

I gave him a blank look. Spooky? What did he mean by that?

" You just can't." I answered.

I was begging him silently with my eyes. _Please…please don't push it, Zim…It's not worth it…_Of course, he never heard my silent cries.

" TAKE me WITH you!" He shouted at me.

That flame inside me burnt into fiery tornado, ready to rain doom as I pointed my metallic arm at Zim, charging my weapon. I watched carefully as his eyes widened at the blinking red lights. I knew he wouldn't try to pull anything. I knew he wouldn't say I would never fire it. He knew I would if I wanted to.

" You CAN'T come today," I reinforced that point.

Zim looked puzzled over that comment and I grinned at his confusion. I turned back to the door to try and escape again but he spoke again.

" What makes today different from any other day?"

I turned slowly. He was really asking for it now. I marched right up to him and loomed over a little so my face was right in his.

" You know, I really _should_ take you. You would receive more torture there than I could ever dream of give you." I hissed in his face, my mouth seeming to run on its own, " The things I do there would blow your mind, in a most literal sense."

I knew I was confusing him and I knew I wasn't being very clear, but clarity wasn't what was needed now.

" I _should_ let you come and watch as it breaks you. I really should." I said.

I lifted him with my metallic arm into the air, as though I would throw him to the ground as he had done to me in my dreams and as I had done to him many times in the past. Even through the cold metal, I could feel my hand shaking as I stared into Zim's eyes. He was glaring at me, even though I could feel him shivering. I forced myself to let go of him, letting him fall to the ground on his own.

I didn't realize until he began to stare at me bewildered, that I had no reason to spare him like that. I quickly searched my mind for an excuse for my kindness.

" …Of course, I wouldn't be able to do it myself if I allowed that to happen." I finally said to him.

I wasn't stopped this time as I left the apartment, abandoning Zim in that dimly lit room. After shutting and bolting the door behind me, I leaned back against the door and sighed heavily. Normally I wouldn't have bothered to explain any of this to Zim. I would have just slammed him against the wall and made him regret ever 'demanding' me of anything.

Any other day, I may have considered taking him with me. Any other day, I wouldn't have cared whether he was broken or hurt. Somehow though, I knew my mission that day would do him in completely. Whatever was left of his confidence would shatter and he would be reduced to nothing. It would be going too far, I think, to bring Zim that day and the less that he knew about it, the better off he'd be. After all, we weren't fighting just any aliens that day.

No, that was the day the Irken Armada was invading our precious planet Earth.

(A/N: DUN. DUN. DUN. Thanks for the wonderful reviews! There WILL be actual ZADR next chapter, I promise. If I don't follow through, feel free to chase me down with pitchforks and torches. XD Please R&R and the next chapter will be up very soon! )


	7. Zim: Blindfold

The Dib human had been behaving very oddly that morning. It was very…suspicious.

My plan was complete failure. He refused, rather violently, to take me with him when he went "out" today. He even charged his arm-weapon-thingy at me, threatening to zap me with whatever was inside it.

There was something different about him that day though. Dib had seemed more…I'm not even sure of the word. There was something in his huge eyes, something that wasn't normally there. Behind those green lenses, there was something unrecognizable. It wasn't the Dib-monster, even though he was pointing weapons and lifting me into the air.

No, because the Dib-monster would never have gone that easy on me. Still, what was that unreadable emotion in his eyeballs?

He had told me there were horrors there I could never imagine. I want to know what those horrors are! The way he spoke of them though…it seemed he was frightened of them as well. For good reason of course. Anything that could scare an Irken invader would probably kill him.

Though he said I couldn't go that day…that was mind-boggling as well. Why was _that _day so special? What made it different from any other filthy day?

There was such urgency in his voice though. It was as though he wasn't doing this just to torture me. Could there really have been an ulterior motive behind this?

I can't think of many reasons for him to react that way. Why would it matter to him if this…_thing_…hurt me? That's what he wanted, right? To see me squirming in pain?

Of course, if I were gone, the Dib-beast wouldn't have a pet alien anymore. Nothing to brag about to the smelly humans.

Perhaps the humans would take me away from him. They'd consider him a traitorous slug and take me away to be executed. The Dib-monster wouldn't have a punching bag after that. Even so, he could always get another creature to torture if he's that sadistic.

One thought floats up to the top, all the way up to my antennae. Maybe Dib actually…cares…for me. Maybe he was trying to protect me…trying to save me from something. I laugh that thought back down every time. As though he would care at all. We were enemies! There was no…_compassion_ involved at all!

This fact of course, made understanding this situation increasingly difficult.

I must have stood facing that door for hours, wondering why I let him go. Thinking that maybe I should have stopped him again and forced him to answer my questions. It was too late for any of that now though.

With a small sigh of defeat, I shuffled my feet over to my precious windowsill. I would wait there for the Dib-human to return, while watching the rain fall down. Somehow, I knew I would be waiting a long time for that though, and I couldn't help wondering if Dib would come home bleeding all over everything again.

Soon my thoughts became hazy and floated away until I was soaring in a voot cruiser again. Flying high over what I believed the tops of the building looked like, watching as thousands of lasers rained down from the Armada's ships. It was the destructive rain of champions.

Hundreds of voot cruisers danced in the sky creating their own laser light show. It was beautiful. Simply beautiful.

Imagine my shock when I realized my eyes were open.

I couldn't believe it. The only thing separating me from my fellow Irkens was a piece of glass. A grin spread across my face that must have been as wide as Dib's head. They had come for me. They were here. They had come to finally bring me home.

I pressed my head up against the cool glass and watched with wide eyes as my dreams slowly began to become a reality. The cruisers and their reign of destruction were more beautiful than I could ever have imagined. If I listened hard enough, I could hear the filthy stink human's screams of terror. It was a sound I had waited a long time to hear.

A pair of voot cruisers slowed down in front of this filthy building. I didn't think my eyes could get any bigger. They really were coming for me.

There was a girl in the first cruiser with purple eyes, and a boy in the second with red. I didn't recognize either of them, but they seemed to know me from somewhere. They stared at me for several moments in disbelief. With a quick look at each other, the voot cruisers turned around and flew away in the other direction.

I had expected something. Even if it was just to be laughed at, it didn't matter. I expected somebody to say something or do something or reach out to me in someway but…there was nothing.

I banged my fists against the glass as hard as I could, not caring if it broke. I cried out for my leaders, the Armada, anybody that would hear me really. Nobody could though. Or rather, nobody would. In each voot cruiser that flew by me, the driver would see my desperate sobs for rescue, and every time they would pretend they hadn't.

My eyes were wide with hope as the main ship flew by, so wide that it tore off part of the building on the other side of the street. That was where my precious Tallest were safe and secure. I could see them through the glass. It was the first time I'd ever seen them focused on anything besides the snacks in their hands. I cried out as loud as I could, hoping that my Tallest would hear me and set me free from this hell.

…And then they saw me.

I think I was the last thing that they had expected to see here. I saw Almighty Tallest Purple order the ship to a halt, just so that they could stare. I believe I even saw Almighty Tallest Red drop his space soda to the floor.

My Tallest stared at me through the glass window of the main ship for a long time, as though trying to decide what to do with me. I had been preparing a speech of apologies in my head for when they sliced open the window and came to my rescue.

When I looked up though, they had disappeared.

It was as though someone had removed a blindfold from in front of my eyes. Suddenly, I could see clearly every time I had been laughed at or mocked. I could see the welcoming ceremony for Impending Doom II. I could see my almighty Tallest, and every time they had ever loathed my presence. When they gave me GIR, who had only been a piece of trash they had found. All of my transmissions that were groaned at and every time they snickered behind my back.

It had never occurred to me before that moment. Nobody on Irk considered me an invader. I was just something to be mocked at every possible moment. They…they sent me here just to get rid of me and they didn't expect me to return.

They left me to die here…alone.

No…No that couldn't be right! I am an invader! I AM! Somebody would save me right? RIGHT?

I never ceased my banging on the window as tears poured down my cheeks. I screamed out over and over as though my squeedly spooch and been ripped out of my body and fed to a moose. Again, my pleas were ignored by the very beings I had placed all of my faith and trust in. They were my life. My reason. My hope and my purpose. All of that crumbled in my fingers as my hands shook uncontrollably. I couldn't stop the tears from falling.

I was sure if I kept banging long enough, the glass would shatter, and then maybe someone would hear me, but I wasn't strong enough anymore. Most of my remaining strength went into trying to stop mourning something I never had in the first place.

Through my tears, I saw voot cruisers flying and falling, being knocked down by Earth technology. Apparently, Earth had its own lasers to fight back with. The rolls were reversed, with the Irken soldiers writhing in pain from contact with the rain. If I listened hard enough, I could hear knives unsheathing and the heavy flow of water that probably came from a…fire…hose-y…thing. They were all very primitive forms of combat, but it was taking down one of the most advanced races in the universe.

I had no idea whose side to be on now. Irk was my home and I should defend it…but I was a worthless nothing to them. I was destined to die alone and I was hated by my own people. I remember thinking in that moment that they all deserved to die for playing with my feelings like that, and then hating myself for wishing it. All I could do was stare out the window and cry. There was no one left to hear me now.

Eventually, all of the dust settled. For a long time I sat there, staring out the window and sobbing uncontrollably. I was ashamed to be crying, because mighty Irken invaders don't cry; however this only proved my new discovery over and over.

I hated everything in that moment. I hated the Armada for sending me here. I hated the Tallest for leading me on. I hated myself for falling for all of their tricks. It was pathetic. I was pathetic. That's all I ever was.

It wasn't very long after that, maybe a few hours or so, when Dib came home. I stood up and forced myself to stop sobbing long enough to get a good look at him. He was bloody again, but he didn't look quite as hurt this time. His weapon had been broken into sparking pieces and the tank on his back was leaking water poison onto the ugly tan carpet. That look had returned in the Dib's eyes when he spotted me, but this time it was softer and less panicked. It was that horrible look I hated so much, because I didn't know what it meant.

I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes, but I refused to cry. I would not cry in front of Dib. Not even with his stupid "look". I could feel my knees shaking though and my resolve was beginning to crumble. I shut my eyes so I wouldn't have to look at him.

Something wrapped around me, making me open my eyes in shock. My face met the symbol on Dib's shirt and I felt the cold of what was left of his metal-y arm on the back of my head.

I wasn't sure how to react. I knew how I would have previously reacted though. If it had been before The Impact I would have screeched and scrambled away. If it had been less than a month ago, I would have been disgusted by his touch, but now…

…Now as I felt his fingers through the broken bits of his weapon stroke my antennae…it felt…it felt nice. It shouldn't have felt nice. My entire world was changing and falling apart and shattering on the floor and I had no idea what to do.

So I cried. I clutched Dib's shirt in my hands and cried. I didn't bother trying to stop myself anymore; I just let the tears rain down like the poison outside. I didn't care what he would think anymore.

To my surprise, his forehead fell down against mine. He continued to stroke my antennae softly and whispered to me.

" I know Zim…" Dib said softly, " …I know."

He held me closer and let me continue to sob away my broken dreams. Everything was just so confusing and messed up and wrong now. My entire life's worth had been thrown away. I could smell the Irken blood on Dib's clothes and knew that even if I had wanted to now, I could never go back. At this point though, I wasn't even sure if I wanted to.

There was nothing left of my old life. Nothing. Everything I had ever been was dead and gone. Everything I ever wanted had burnt into flames. I had both died and been reborn at the same time.

Dib was there though. It felt like he had always been there and that he would be there forever. This…this wasn't right though. Why would I want him there? He's my enemy…he's my…my…

…my everything. He's all I have left now…and somehow…

…Somehow though, in some weird way…that thought didn't bother me nearly as much as it should have.

(A/N: Sorry, I meant for this chapter to be out sooner than this… It's not…_quite_ as ZADR as one might hope [yet], but the sparks are definitely there. Next chapter will hopefully be up sooner than this one was. Please R&R.)


	8. Dib: Hypocrite

Zim hadn't moved from his spot at the windowsill for days. Not since the day the Irkens paid a visit. It must have been almost a week ago by now.

I had known it would affect him, but I had no idea he would grieve this long. I wasn't sure of all the details, but I had a feeling he wouldn't want the Irkens to see him like this…as my prisoner.

It may go even beyond that. I don't think he would have cried the way he did for simple humiliation.

Zim hasn't cried since. He hasn't done anything since. He just sits there all day, staring out beyond the glass, as though something were to rise from the dust. As though there's something out there only he can see and hear.

He won't even talk now. He used to be so desperate before, and I really feel bad. He would attempt to talk to me, or even talk to himself about something that might grab my attention. I was cold and never responded to him. Infact, I only ever spoke to him when I felt it was absolutely necessary. I only had myself for conversation now.

I had no idea what had caused me to suddenly care for him in the slightest. Maybe it was something in the air, or perhaps it was some kind of alien trick. Somehow though…the other night…with him in my arms…

…It felt so…right…

It felt like we were the only ones left in the entire world in the only place that remained on Earth. Nothing mattered but us and whatever it was in the air.

I had never experienced anything like that before. Certainly not for Zim. Could this be that weird _love_ thing? …Somehow, that seemed unlikely. I mean, this was _Zim_ for God's sake! Even if I loved him, he'd never love me back anyway because of all the things I'd done to him.

If I didn't love him though…why did he matter so much to me?

It feels like an odd, hypocritical statement, coming from me--his tormentor. It's true though. I haven't been able to get him off of my mind since that night. He's always in my head, tugging at my brain and haunting my dreams.

You deserve this, a voice whispers in my head. _You deserve the pain of being in love without being loved in return. You deserve to love your only hate._

I always scream back at that voice that I don't love Zim, that I only hate him. They always laugh at me though. They laugh and laugh until I find myself tugging at my hair to get them to stop.

…Maybe I really _am_ crazy.

My heart sank every time I glanced over at Zim. There was definitely something wrong here, but then again there always was. I knew I would never be able to fix anything I had done to him, any heartbreak I had caused…but I felt like I needed to do something now.

I turned on heel and headed back into my study. Reaching over my mattress I felt for a box. Once I found it, I fished through it for something particular. I wasn't even sure if I still had it here, but it was worth enough. Sure enough though it was there. With some difficulty, I pulled my findings out of the ugly brown box and admired them for a moment or so.

It was Zim's old disguise. I refused to let him wear it anymore, seeing as I thought he would never need it again. The wig was mussed from the events of the Impact and one of the huge contacts was dented, but both were easily fixable.

Fixing the wig was more fun than I thought it'd be. I gave it a new hairstyle that didn't reek of the fifties. It was more spiked than that. Then I started being silly and redid it so it would be an Afro or a mullet or even a Mohawk. I caught myself laughing trying to picture it on Zim. Eventually, I put it back in the horrid fifties flip. He could fix it himself if he so desired.

Of course, when I returned from my study he was still staring out at the nothing outside. I couldn't help but look as well. It was too quiet in here.

" It's not raining today." I said, not really to anyone but myself.

Zim said nothing, as expected, and continued to gaze outside.

I couldn't help but feel a twinge of anger. I was actually _trying_ to not beat his head into the window and he couldn't even say anything. I wanted to push him out the window and see if he'd react to _that_.

I forced that urge back down and just threw one of the contacts at his head.

At least I got an "Ow" out of him. He rubbed the back of his head and I forced myself to not smile at him. I tossed him the rest of the costume and turned around.

" Put it on." I ordered him, " We're going out."

The last thing I expected as I began to walk away was to have the disguise thrown back at me, hitting me pretty hard in the back of the head. I turned around to face not an angry glare, but an empty look from Zim.

" I'm not going." He said.

It was strange hearing his voice again, even if it crackled from lack of use.

" You're going because I said so." I told him, sounding a lot like a bossy child.

" I don't want to." Zim replied, not looking at me anymore.

" You wanted to last week." I pointed out.

" Last week I had a reason to." Zim hugged his knees and looked at the wall.

I knew I'd hit a nerve as soon as it came out of my mouth, but he hit one right back because he wasn't acting like himself. This wasn't Zim. This was somebody else, living in his skin and stealing his voice and making him act strange.

" Look," I said harshly, " I'm SORRY I helped kill off your race. It had to be done and if you can't deal with that then you can just go to-"

" That's not it."

Zim had said it so calmly that I had stopped in my furiously pacing tracks. I stared long and hard at him.

" What did you say?" I asked softly.

" I don't care that you killed them," He let one leg hang over and swing back and forth against the wall, " I…I sort of wanted them to die."

That was a shocker to me, " You…you wanted them dead?"

" Yes." Zim said, his eyes never leaving the wall, " I wanted them dead."

This was hard to believe. Even before The Impact he had always had such a glint in his eyes when he spoke of his homeland. There was always that spark. I couldn't believe it. He…he really wanted them all dead.

" Then…then what is it?" I asked, completely dumbfounded by this revelation.

" What's wrong, you mean?" He corrected me.

I didn't answer him, because I wasn't really sure myself.

" …They wanted me to die too." Zim said softly, hugging his knees tighter, " They sent me here because they wanted me to die."

No, no, this wasn't right. That couldn't be right. Did this mean that everything we had…everything we were…it was all a punishment? There wasn't ever going to be an invasion? Everything that had ever been us…all of the skoolyard chases and the water balloons and the saving the world…it was never real. It had almost been like some game.

" Then why did they come at all?" I asked him, confused.

" Certainly not for me." Zim laughed coldly, like I always did, " Knowing the Tallest, they probably thought it would be 'fun'. Just like they thought all of my transmissions were 'fun' and everything I said and did was '_funny_' somehow."

I didn't say anything. There was nothing to be said. Zim's emotions seemed to radiate through the room, filling some sort of strange empathy for him. It enclosed us, smothering us until we would collapse.

" Everything I ever was…" Zim started, " Everything I've ever been is a lie."

The both of us were quiet for a few minutes, taking that all in. Everything that we had ever been, everything that had ever been us…it was all gone with that one statement. It was as though nothing we had ever said or did actually happened. There was no life before The Impact. There was only the ugly here and now.

Slowly, I smiled.

" Well…" I said, " You'll just have to start over again, won't you?"

Zim stared at me bewildered as I continued on.

" Come on." I said again, " We're going out."

" I don't want to." Zim reminded me.

" Which is why we're going." I said with a small smile, " Can't give you what you want now, can I? What kind of master would I be if I did that?"

He looked at me and cocked his head to one side, probably trying to discover why I was smiling. After a brief moment of confusion, he gave me a fake glare and I threw his costume at him. He picked up the wig and turned in carefully in his hands, examining it.

" …Was it really this…this…?" Zim started.

" Yeah, it really was that ugly." I finished for him.

Zim gave a small laugh and mussed it up at little before putting it on. I cautiously walked over to fix it a little for him. He let me without complaint. Zim really was acting differently…and I wasn't sure if I liked it.

Now, instead of having a flip, the wig had several smaller spikes everywhere. Zim made rather funny hissing noises and twitched while putting the contacts on. I couldn't help but snicker.

" Does it really hurt that much?" I asked him.

" Well…" Zim said in mid-squirm, " …They take some getting used to."

I rolled my eyes and turned around, heading for the closet. I reached carefully for something I never thought I would need, but would certainly come in handy that day.

" Oh Zim…" I called him.

" Yeah?" He replied, getting up off of the windowsill.

I turned around revealing my prize. It was a long purple leash that had been ransacked long ago. I could tell by the spark in his eyes that I had brought something back to him.

" N-NO!" He sneered angrily, " I'm NOT going to wear that…that THING!"

I reached back in the closet for the collar that had been abandoned long ago, saying, " What makes you think I'm giving you a choice?"

" But…BUT…"

I turned to face him and twirled the old familiar red collar around my finger.

" No buts." I said. " You're wearing it."

It looked like many thoughts (and probably many insults) were flowing through Zim's mind. Much to my displeasure however, he gave up on fighting me and let me slip the collar around his neck.

" Why do I need this anyway?" He asked me meekly.

I was surprised he bothered to ask, so I decided to grace him with the truth.

" It's a safety precaution." I said simply.

" But this disguise won't fool anybody anymore…" Zim started.

" It'll fool the people in the streets." I told him, " It's dangerous there. It's best to make sure they know ahead of time that you're mine. Otherwise they could do anything to you really. I know some that would even try to make a meal out of you."

I watched him grimace and I shrugged. All of it was true. If you couldn't defend yourself you were as good as dead out there. In Zim's current state, I wasn't sure if he could.

" And," I added as a second thought, " My colleagues will definitely be able to tell that you're Irken in a heartbeat. This will show that they aren't to touch you."

I traced the leash with weathered fingers all the way up to his neck.

" No…" I said, " You're mine."

I wasn't sure whether I was telling this to myself or to Zim, but it didn't matter. With a tug of the leash, we were on our way. The door was locked out of habit.

I watched Zim as he quietly observed his new surroundings. It was then realized that he had never been in the hallway before. It seemed like such an ordinary, every day thing, but for someone who has been locked away from the world for almost five years, it must be a big deal.

I let him go about his business, though I really wanted to tug on that leash and hurry him along. Ugly tan wallpaper really wasn't that amazing.

The elevators had long since stopped working, as had everything electrical in the apartment complex, so we began an escapade down three flights of stairs. Again, it was nothing out of the ordinary for me, but I think if I hadn't had Zim on a leash he would have run past me in excitement.

I still thought that the entire building had a haunting feel, but it didn't seem to bother Zim in the slightest. I wasn't very surprised either. He had never been concerned with things like ghosts and creatures of the night as I had been.

I nearly tripped when Zim stopped moving. He was staring longingly out the glass doors at the street. I recognized the look from somewhere before. Zim had always had that look on his face when I saw his reflection in the windowpane. Or when I caught him staring at the door when he was in that cage.

" …Ready to go?" I asked Zim out of the blue.

Zim looked stunned for a minute. Did he really expect me to take him this far, only to take him back to the apartment? …Considering previous behavior of mine, I wouldn't be surprised if he did.

Then, his eyes seemed to sparkle for a moment. He looked like a kid in a candy store and I felt like a parent. He nodded more enthusiastically than I expected him to.

" Well then…" I smiled at him, " Let's go."

With those words we opened the doors to a new world for the both of us.

(A/N: And so ends another installment. Next chapter should be up fairly soon. Please R&R. : ) )


	9. Zim: Serenity

The world outside was more amazing than I could have imagined, yet at the same time it made my insides churn.

The fresh air felt good as I stepped outside into the concrete prison chamber. That's what it looked like anyway, with all of the ragged and torn humans in the street. Many were using newspapers and cardboard boxes as shelters and had bottles of unnamed liquids lain by their holy boots.

I gazed up at the sky for the first time in what seemed like ages. Even if I couldn't see the stars, being outside and at least a little closer to them was enough. It was a wonderful feeling. I almost felt free again.

I was quickly reminded however, that I was a prisoner. Dib tugged hard on his retched leash and beckoned me to follow him. Unless I wanted to be choked, I was forced to keep in time with his steps.

The streets of this filthy city were even filthier than I remembered them. There must have been hundreds of stink beasts lying in the road. There were moments when I couldn't help but stare.

" Don't look at them." Dib warned me, " They'll only eat you alive."

I wondered for a moment whether that statement was literal or not. He had mentioned something about their cannibalism previously. Unfortunately, I was granted a perfect opportunity to witness this, as I saw two human-beasts, a male and female, fighting for what looked like the remains of a small child. Just the thought of it made me twitch in revoltion.

" They're monsters." Dib reinforced this fact, " They'd do anything, even slaughter their loved ones for a bite to eat."

He laughed in a horridly hollow way, " But then again…weren't they always?"

For once, I had to agree. The humans had always held a potentially monstrous quality to them. Apparently, they really were a vicious race, despite their primitiveness.

Our stroll through the ruins of civilized society was interrupted by two men who stopped in our path. They were haggard and worn like the rest of the scum in the streets, but apparently had the strength to stand, even if they were a bit wobbly.

" Hey pretty…" One of them said, reaching out to stroke my wig, " Why don't you come with me an' my friend here?"

" Yeah…" The other said, making a move for my hips, " We'll show ya a real good time…"

I could feel my attentae poking up at my wig in a natural horrified response. Before I even had time to react though, Dib's hand was at my collar and he quite literally growled at the men.

Of course, the two men decided to taunt Dib, ignoring his threats and adding their own. Before they even knew what had happened, they had been sliced open by a concealed blade. The moves had been so precise and deep that through the spurting blood, their intestines could be seen. Dib had to tug at the leash to snap me out of my stupor.

" Come on." He said, stepping over the corpses, " We don't have all day."

It was amazing how he could kill and not feel any emotion at all. Granted, I would have done the same thing, but this…this was Dib. Humans had always seemed to have trouble when it came to murder.

…Then again, these human-monsters in the street killed daily. Perhaps it was true that humans could transform into monsters, even out of the streets.

The streets were littered with many more filthy creatures, but no more of them bothered us. Apparently, news spreads quickly.

I couldn't help but wonder about Dib's motives though. Why would he…why would he bother taking me outside? Ever since that night about a week ago, the lines between enemy and…and…non-enemy I suppose, had blurred incredibly. There are still moments where I'm unsure of exactly what is happening anymore but at this point, I don't think it really matters. I'm no threat to anyone and I never have been. Not even to Dib, as he's proven to me many times.

Soon I found the streets becoming more and more familiar to me. I still had no idea where I was being led to, but I knew I'd been on these filthy streets before. It was difficult to tell _exactly_ where the Dib-human had been taking me, because of all the destruction that had never been taken care of from The Impact.

Through the wreckage though, I could see one monument that hadn't been destroyed. That alone was amazing, since it had always looked as though one touch would knock it over like the pitiful human toy it was.

It was the strange welded metal climber of mine and Dib's elementary skool.

I couldn't help but stare in wonder as I was pulled along. Of all Earthly places…why would the Dib want to go back there? Why would he want to have me accompany him? It was very strange.

I winced as I wondered if he had some sort of secret torture waiting for me there. It really wasn't impossibility or even an improbability. Dib was always very unpredictable like that. He and his monster were two sides to the same coin I think.

When I voiced my confusion to the Dib-human, he just laughed at me. Not his usual cold chuckle or maniacal cackle either…but a real laugh.

" Ah, wait until you see the brilliance of it all…" He said mysteriously.

I shot a suspicious glance in his direction as I was tugged along toward the horrid greasy skool building. It was obvious that it had been shot at with lasers and been partially bashed in, but it had not been knocked down entirely. It looked as though there were still rooms that could be used within its inner confines.

There was random rubble scattered about though, as I saw the old fountain and various other yard accessories broken into pieces. Again, it was a shock that the dangerous metal poles of death were still intact. The door was barricaded crudely with nailed planks of wood, so Dib brought me around the side to a tiny basement window.

The Dib motioned for me to crouch down, so that I could peek inside. It was an incredibly stupid move on my part though. I realized this when he shoved me through the tiny opening.

I landed hard in a dark hallway and Dib landed beside me a moment later. There were lanterns lit and hung everywhere, yet it remained dark and dank. It was very primitive looking…

" I don't remember this being in the school…" I questioned Dib.

" Well…we've made improvements, if you can call them that." He said.

I found I really couldn't. The skool looked no better than it had when I had attended. The walls were still drippy and it still held a very creepy feel. There were more important questions on my mind though.

" We?" I asked.

" The Earth Defense Alliance." Dib revealed, " Or E.D.A. if you prefer."

Many possibilities ran through my mind. Maybe he was finally turning me in? Maybe he was sick of me and would leave me to be torn apart by pointy needles? Suddenly, I didn't want to be torn up by pointy needles.

The Dib human loomed in and I heard something unclamp. I tentatively touched my neck and found that he had only removed the leash and not the collar.

" Be careful." The Dib human said softly, as though he was not sure if he wanted me to hear, " Your disguise may have fooled the street-rats, but it won't fool anyone here. After all, we just fought your people a week ago."

I nodded vaguely, wondering what kind of horrors were awaiting me. It took me a few minutes to remember to walk on my own, but I followed closely behind the Dib.

The hallway was lined with many doors, but we were the only ones outside. It seemed very empty and quiet. Almost too quiet.

" The rooms are sound proof." Dib seemed to read my mind, " We made them sound proof and they work as excellent bomb shelters. Almost a perfect place for something like this, isn't it?"

He seemed very proud of their hard work, but I still thought that they hadn't changed the rooms much. I gazed over at him again and he seemed to be counting the doors. I thought it was rather strange…

Finally, he seemed to spot the right one and opened it. He motioned for me to come with him into the room with him, but I was very cautious. Eventually, he grabbed my arm and pulled me in.

…Somehow it wasn't at all what I expected. I had been expecting a militarian war room or something to that effect, but the room was more like a lounge than anything else really. It was brighter than the hall was, because of a lamp that Dib said ran on batteries. There were comfy looking chairs and even couches. The wall held emblems of everything from noise-making humans to people with cheese on their heads. While the décor was a little odd, it wasn't _menacing_.

There were only two in the room though. Were they the only three in this entire army? …That couldn't be right; there must be people in other rooms.

There was a pink haired girl lying down on the couch and she had an unusually large abdomen. Her hair was brought into tight piggly-tails and her shirt made her look like a candy cane. She also had a pink dress on and flippy-flops.

The last one in the room was a boy, a very small boy. He couldn't have been any taller than I was. His attire was decked out in red and purple, two colors I didn't want to think about at the moment. I saw he purple-sleeved arm reach up from his slouched position and toss something across the room lazily. He was tossing darts at an alien drawing tacked to a board. I winced as one pierce through the alien's spleen.

" Nice shot." The Dib complemented him.

" Dib! You're back!" The pink haired woman exclaimed when she saw him.

" Sure took him long enough." The dart boy said, flinging a dart at the paper alien's spleen.

" Ha ha, very funny." Dib said bitterly, " I can assure you, I was very busy on my projects, if that's what you were worried about."

" Don't be like that Dib…" The woman on the couch sat up and scolded, " We were worried about _you_! You were gone a week. For all we knew, you could have been dead!"

" Well, I'm obviously not, Tavisha." Dib rolled his eyes at her, " If you were really that concerned, you could have sent Hal out for me."

This 'Tavisha' person just looked to the ground and a silence so loud it could send the walls crashing to the ground entered the room.

" So he's dead?" Dib assumed.

The Dib human shoved his hands in his coat and held himself in a way that said he wished this 'Hal' creature good riddance.

" Man, I should really be more on top of things than this…" Dib mused to no one in particular.

Nobody said anything. I pretended nobody could see me.

" You would be if you stayed here like everyone else." The Dart boy spoke up.

" I can't." Dib laughed coolly, " You'd all drive me nuts."

" You already are, remember?" The boy picked a fight.

" Then I'd just be more so." Dib shrugged.

" Well, sometimes we just get sick of sending people for you!" he shouted, " You come whenever you damn well please and you never stay more than a day or two! You realize we need you here, right?"

Dib just shrugged and sat down in a chair. Suddenly I had no cover. Suddenly I was vulnerable.

Suddenly someone noticed me.

" Who's your green friend?" asked Dart Boy suspiciously.

" Oh." Dib said as though he'd just remembered, " That's Zim."

"…I thought we killed all the Irkens?" The Dart Boy raised an eyebrow at me.

" He's a special case Spoog, let him be." Dib said from behind a book he'd picked up, " Take a look at his neck if you don't believe me."

Indeed, this 'Spoog' hopped off his chair and strode over to me. He turned out to be no taller than I was, which was funny because he seemed the most in charge out of the four humans there. His fingers gracefully danced around my neck and traced the words on the tag.

" …Why do you have such a horrible disguise?" Spoog asked me harshly, " Any human could see through it."

Before I could answer, Dib opened his big mouth.

"Old habit." His eyes never left the book, " He's been here since before The Impact."

" I WAS ASKING ZIM!" Spoog shouted at Dib, who only shrugged.

" …That is amazing though." Spoog turned to me again, " You've been here that long? No wonder your disguise used to work…"

I nodded and thought hard, " I've been here…nine years I believe."

" NINE?" Spoog's eyes were wide, " And nobody caught you?"

" Well…" I spoke softly, " …he did."

I pointed at Dib, " He chased me from Day 1. He caught me…er…"

" Five years ago." Dib informed me, " It's been five years."

" …That was during The Impact." Spoog realized.

I nodded, for there was nothing else to be said.

" …You're a bastard, Dib." Spoog decided.

I'm sure that the Dib was smirking behind his book. Spoog just looked frustrated with him.

Tavisha spoke up at this time, " Um…Dib, we've got the showers working again and if you'd like-"

"-Thanks." He said, not giving her a chance to finish, " But before I go, I must ask. How is the baby Tavisha? It's healthy I assume?"

" I keep telling you to call me Tavi." She said irritably, holding her large tummy protectively, " And she is fine, thank you very much."

" Well that's good." Dib said, " After all, it's quite possibly the first baby of a new era."

" SHE." The Tavisha/Tavi creature hissed.

The Dib ignored her frustration, " Let's go Zim."

I followed with obedient footsteps. I was unsure of what to make of the humans I'd seen. They had sure seemed nice enough, but I had never been one to trust very quickly. The 'Spoog' human was especially suspicious. Tavi didn't seem much of a threat if she was really somewhere in the human reproduction cycle. Theoretically, she could be hiding some sort of weapon under her clothes.

My main question then though, was why Dib wanted me to accompany him to the showers.

" I can't guarantee your safety if I leave you there alone." He said, pulling me by the hand, " After all, someone else could walk in there and not everyone would be keen on having an enemy at base.

It was unclear whether Dib wanted to protect me or save his own slimy skin. All I knew was that I was being pulled toward an unknown part of the skool base. Dib's scythe shaped hair danced in front of my eyes as he moved us quickly and quietly through the dimness.

I could hear various things as we passed by doors to what were probably Science laboratories. Electric sparkles shone in the windows above some doors and I could hear the whir and churn of human machinery. Soon enough though, I heard a terrifying sound that made me realize what I was possibly getting into.

Running water.

Suddenly my mind was racing with terrifying thoughts of the Dib-monster shoving me into the poison waterfall and my body sizzling and frying and my screams of pain would bounce off the walls.

The filthy Dib human eventually led me to the gymnatorium of the school. It had once been huge, but the ceiling had been bashed in, leaving one gaping hole. I stared for several moments, hoping that maybe for once, I could see the stars. As usual though, they hid the shiny brightness from me. What I could see though, was the group of black bird that had taken refuge in the roof. They were sitting in that gap…the whole scene was oddly peaceful really.

…Until, of course, I was dragged away to the boy's showers by Dib. The sound of water echoed off the icy blue walls. I noticed that cupboards had been installed above the sinks and each separate showerhead had been transformed into a stall that hadn't been there before.

Dib released my wrist and stepped into a shower. I have to say, I was mildly surprised that he wasn't planning on having me tortured.

" Catch." He said simply, his voice making echoey sounds off the walls.

He began to throw his clothes one by one over the top of the shower stall, including his glasses. I made hasty moves to grab them all and nearly let the glasses clatter to the ground. The water began to rain down and I winced simply from the sound.

" It's really amazing that we have running water here." Dib called out to me from behind the curtainy veil, " I mean, I wasn't the scientist that redeveloped it, but still…we got it back so soon."

I mumbled some sort of response. I really didn't care. It was just water. Filthy earth poison is what it really was.

All of a sudden, the Dib-human began to hum some song quietly to himself. It must have been some melody from years ago, but somehow it still seemed very serene. I couldn't help but shut my eyes and listen.

As like most good things on this filthy Earth, I heard the water flow suddenly end. Dib poked a wet hand through the stall and motioned to the sinks.

" There are towels in the cabinets." He ordered, " Go get me one. It doesn't matter which."

I did as he said, with a frown stamped on my face. I shoved the white fluffy cloth through the curtain and stepped away fast. I didn't want to have any water land on me after all.

When Dib finally revealed himself, he was dressed in only the white towel wrapped around his waist. His thin frame still looked waterlogged. Also, his hair had fallen out of its usual point and now hung softly to midback, except for a few strands that framed his face. He didn't even look uncomfortable in the slightest. It was just me there after all.

Dib strode past me to the cabinets, and I turned to watch him walk away. Something inside me said I should be ashamed of myself, but somehow I wasn't. Or at least not as much as I should have been. Eventually, I walked over next to him so it wouldn't look too weird.

" …How do you get your hair like that?" I asked Dib, because I couldn't think of anything better to say.

He just laughed and opened one of the cabinets. In it there were rows and rows of bottles all marked with his name. He took out one of these cans and shook it.

" Hairspray." He said simply, "_Lots_ and _lots_ of hairspray."

…I honestly thought his hair looked better down. I didn't voice this though. Not here where he could simply toss me in a small chamber-y thing and turn on the water.

I coughed loudly from the evil hairspray fumes that plagued the air. The Dib didn't seem too affected by it though. Soon enough, he was finished and the fumes began to slowly die.

He motioned for me to surrender his clothes to him. I did as he asked and he left into another stall. Quick as he'd disappeared, he had come back, wearing all of his Earth garments.

Dib had begun to adjust his glasses when something strange happened. It was a siren-like sound that started out soft, but then began to grow louder and louder, till it was ringing in our ears.

" What is that?" I shouted out.

Dib looked horrified. He brought his arms across his chest and shuddered violently, as though he was really frightened. I couldn't see anything that would be quite that spooky though. So I reached over and tried to shake Dib out of his shakiness.

" DIB!" I shouted, " Dib, what's going on?"

It wasn't much, but it was enough to snap him out of his craziness for a few moments. He shook his head hard and then shrugged out of my grip.

" …It's the alarm." He said as calm as possible, even though I could hear his voice shaking.

It was obvious though, that this alarm hadn't been what scared him, but I didn't push it.

" …An alarm?" I asked.

" Yes." Dib said, staring hard at the doorway, " That alarm only goes off…when the base is under attack."

He kept staring at the door. I wanted to know what was there that he could see, but I obviously couldn't.

" …We need to get out of here." He said ominously.

He grabbed my wrist again and pulled me along, leaving the towel forgotten on the floor. We ran through that gymnatorium place, scaring every stupid bird into flying through the roof.

It seemed odd though, that there were no explosions or gunshots. It was oddly quiet, which made it all the more terrifying. It was almost as though no one was there at all.

Eventually, Dib led me to a fork in the hall. He stopped short and looked back and forth, trying to decide which way to go. I watched him reach into his belt and pull something out of an unknown pocket.

It was a gun. A shiny silver human gun that glinted in the dim lights. Before I knew it, it was in my hands and I was being shoved down the left hallway.

" You go that way!" Dib shouted desperately, " I'm going this way!"

" WAIT! What?" I yelled back, confused as he ran the other way.

" Just go!" Dib shouted at me, never pausing, " You'll be safer that way!"

I watched as he disappeared in the darkness. I tilted the gun in my hands. It really was an inferior weapon, but it wasn't like I had a choice. There was one thought still on my mind though.

Yes, one thought wouldn't leave my brain-meats, no matter how hard I tried to push it out. I couldn't ignore it anymore.

Dib…he wanted me to stay safe. He _was_ protecting me. I had no Earthly idea why, but I had a couple of Irken thoughts.

All of a sudden, I didn't want him to go off alone.

(A/N: Bah, I had to reupload this three times! Sorry it's up later than I planned, personal life things got in the way. Next chapter should be be soon, so please R&R. : ) )


	10. Dib: Bang

There she was.

I knew it the instant I saw her in the locker room doorway. Standing there in her white glowing dress, and her long black hair flowing down, I knew it was her. She was the demon that had been haunting my dreams.

I remember a shiver went through me, seemingly freezing my whole body. My eyes were wide with fear. She laughed, just as she always did when she saw my fright, and ran from the room. It took me several moments to recover fully.

That fear though…it never left me. The sirens that rang in my ears only drew me ever closer and out of the locker room. I was vaguely aware of pulling Zim along with me, but I didn't care. I only wanted to find that girl. I wanted to find her and shake her and make her tell me what's been happening to me. I was so frantic and panicky I didn't stop running until I came across a fork in the hallway.

There wasn't very much time and I could feel it. That girl was wandering around HQ menacingly, ready to destroy everything, and now I had no idea which way she had gone.

I didn't want to send Zim off by himself, especially weaponless. I gave him one of my guns, praying he would remember how to use it and sent him off to the left. He protested, but I just shouted for him to go on without me as I ran down the right corridor.

I was just hoping I was running in the right direction.

For some odd reason, every lantern had been put out in this hall, but it didn't matter because I knew the entire building like the back of my hand. I was unsure of whether I was running away from something or running to it. All I knew was that I had to find that little girl.

There was a bright ominous light at the end of this dark hall, a light that shone much brighter than any lantern we could ever light. I ran faster at this sight, hoping that maybe…maybe she was there…

…And she was. She turned around slowly and I felt my fear escalate. Despite her bright glow, her eyes were shadowed and I couldn't help but wonder if she had any at all. She was smiling sickeningly though.

" WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING TO ME?" I shouted desperately at her, " I KNOW THAT YOU'RE THE ONE DOING THIS! YOU'RE THE ONE DRIVING ME ABSOLUTELY INSANE, NOW TELL ME! **TELL ME!**"

The little girl only laughed harder. It was a laugh that I remember haunting my dreams nightly. It was a somehow eerie laughter that pierced the air around us and sent chills down my spine. It only made me even more nervous.

" TELL ME!" I demanded, with a shaky tone to my voice that I couldn't remove.

I grabbed her shoulders, partly to prove that I wasn't seeing things and shook her hard. She just continued to laugh and laugh.

" Silly boy…" She spoke softly for the first time, " …You have no idea what you want."

Then, with a shine of light, she disappeared. I don't know how long I remained there in the quiet darkness, still in shock. She…She couldn't have been a ghost, since I was able to touch her…but then…what was she?

Suddenly, I realized just how much danger I was potentially in.

I bolted from that spot in the other direction. I had no idea where I was going or what it was I was running from, but I knew I needed to get out. Explosions, or what were nearly loud enough to be explosions rang through the entire building, threatening to knock it to the ground. This of course, only made me run faster.

I nearly collapsed once I'd reached the former gymnasium. It was much darker and rain flooded in from the giant hole in the roof (a continuous problem). My "explosions" streaked the sky's dark clouds with flashes of light. I couldn't help but stare in wonder. Thunderstorms were rare. There hadn't been one since at least the previous year.

I stumbled over into the rain when someone shoved me hard in the back. Turning and squinting through the rain, I knew I had finally lost it. A familiar purple haired girl was standing before me with her skull pendant, glaring angrily. I had to be loosing it. There was no way this was real.

" …G…Gaz?" I managed to choke out through the heavy rain.

I stood up to try and get a better look at my long lost sister, but she just stepped forward and shoved me to the ground again. Her eyes were hidden in menacing shadows, so I couldn't read what little emotion she held. I felt terrified.

" …Gaz?" I repeated.

She had received red highlights and her clothes were darkly stained. Step by step she moved towards me and with each step I scuttled back like a crab. Each finger she held out to me was dripping in her blood.

This had to be a dream. It had to be a nightmare. When I awoke, I'd be laying on my mattress breathing heavily and vowing not to sleep another day. This couldn't be real. Gaz was…Gaz was dead. Gaz had been dead five years now. There was no way…

I watched as the red blood that coated her dripped onto the floor in soft beats. She continued to step foreword and I edged away, eventually tripping over rubble to do so. The pouring misery matted our hair down, but wouldn't wash the blood way.

I made a turn in my crawling to head for the bleachers. Somehow, Gaz seemed to appear right in my path to knock me over once again.

" You…" she hissed, inching ever closer.

My eyes were wide in an intense sort of fear I'd never felt before. I scrambled back and upright, trying not to stare directly at my sister as I stood. My feet seemed to carry me all on their own as I found myself racing for the tall bleachers. I could hear Gaz's heavy footfalls right behind me. Suddenly, I felt a hand latch onto my shoulder and spin me around, just as I was about to scale the bleachers.

It wasn't Gaz though. It was a much taller and if possible, more fearsome creature than that. My father was looming before me, with a firm grasp on my shoulders. He looked ready to eat me alive.

A wave of emotions flooded my body. Confusion…fear…hatred…love…they were all there. I laid still and stiff in his grasp, as he inched his bloody head down toward mine. The red and white fabric of his lab coat fluttered in the stormy breeze as the rain matted down his hair. I watched in fear as blood dripped down from his wounds onto my clothes.

In a sudden burst of courage, or maybe it was cowardice, I squirmed out of his hands and bolted up the bleachers. I ran up two at a time, desperate to escape my father's rage. Up, down, diagonal, it didn't matter which way I went as long as I could get away. Holding my breath, I dared one glance behind me, and one was all I needed.

My father was right on my trail, but he was different somehow. He had seemingly grown mechanical spider legs and he appeared to be shedding almost, as his lab coat and skin were torn away. It was horribly grotesque and I couldn't bear to watch any longer, but I was running out of places to hide.

" You…" He growled inhumanly, like some kind of uncivilized beast.

Finally, I found myself atop the tallest bleacher, which must have been at least fifteen feet off of the ground. I couldn't turn around, I couldn't run back, otherwise I'd see that--I'd see my father again…and I couldn't face him or Gaz or anyone else in that moment. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes and I felt just so pathetic and foolish but I couldn't shake them away.

Then…when I finally turned my head…when I finally looked at my father…he wasn't there. What _was_ there…what was there was what finally did me in.

It was Zim. It wasn't the Zim I had created. No, it was the Zim I had grown to mourn daily. The fierce Irken warrior, the threat to humanity, the only thing that had ever truly meant anything to me. It's funny the things you realize in desperate times.

He wasn't blood covered, but somehow that was only more of an indication that he was the Zim I'd killed long ago. His crimson eyes shined with each lightning strike, but oddly enough the rain didn't seem to do anything to him but irritate him further. Was he only a figment of my imagination?

…No. My imagination had never created anything quite as frightening as what was happening to me now.

With each click of his spider legs images flew in my head. Things I'd seen, things I'd never seen, and things I never would. Frightening things, visions of death and everything else I deserved for all of the things I'd done. Memories of things I'd rather not remember and images of things I couldn't remember and quite possibly hadn't said yet.

Revelations and questions all rotated through my mind. Perhaps my father and Gaz were both still alive and I was dead…or maybe this was all a dream and I would wake up bathed in sweat? Or maybe I'd never wake up at all and I would die here… That, just like any other punishment I could ever receive, was much less than I deserved.

I clutched my head and choked on my own breath and tears, trying to erase these horrid thoughts, but they refused to leave. Instead, more floated in. Thoughts full of regret and sorrow and hatred that I realized would never leave me. They are tied in metal chains that bind me and will never release.

No matter what is done…and no matter what is said…nothing can ever redeem me. I can never be vindicated from my horrible deeds. _That_ is my punishment. I am forced to carry this grief and guilt. I cannot complain, because it truly _is _my own fault.

Zim took this opportunity in my moment of weakness to shove me down as Gaz had done. He used his spider legs to dangle over me menacingly as I could only quiver in fear.

" You." He said as though I was the foulest, most horrid creature on the planet.

…And I was.

I could see everything so clearly…everything I'd ever said and done. Every person I had ever spoken to and every consequence that they or I have had to pay. Everything my arrogance had ever blinded me from. It was all sickeningly clear to me.

It made me wonder if I was about to die.

I quivered and shook almost uncontrollably. I didn't want to die. There were too many things I had to do! There must be some way…some way for me to make things right…RIGHT?

Zim said nothing more to me and simply reached for my neck, wringing his fingers around it. I had never been truly aware of how much it hurt to have your airflow almost completely cut off. My lungs burned and threatened to collapse upon themselves, but still I could not bring myself to complain. There was none of this I did not deserve.

As Zim wrapped another hand around my neck, now completely balanced on his spider legs, he began to squeeze harder and harder, mirroring previous actions of mine. My only coherent thought was _God…how did he put up with this for so long?_

Somewhere inside me, I already knew the answer. He had nothing left. He had nowhere left to go to. He had nothing except for me, and I made sure of that. I had broken him; I had lifted him into the air and thrown him back down onto the ground so he would shatter into thousands of tiny little pieces.

My thoughts had begun to get very hazy, and I wondered if this was it. If I would die up here by my prisoner's hands. Somehow, the thought that it was Zim killing me slowly…that may have been the thought that hurt the most.

I felt tremors shake through my body as Zim slid me down the bleacher. He was pushing me closer and closer to the edge, to a fifteen-foot demise. His spider legs clicked with each inch and he never released my neck. He didn't speak. I didn't want him to.

Zim's next shove pushed my head almost completely off the bleacher. I tried to lift it to keep myself from losing my balance, but Zim's hands prevented me from doing so. His face met mine in what may have been our final staredown. His eyes were filled with such utter hate, hate for me alone. My eyes were watered and fogging my cracked glasses.

I heard the spider legs move again and I shut my eyes and braced myself for a long fall….but it never came. Instead, I felt the last thing I expected to feel.

I felt his lips on mine, in a slow kiss that probably should have killed me from lack of air. My eyes opened wide in shock and surprise. It was no illusion. Zim…Zim kissed me. It…it felt nice, but I was confused beyond all reason. It was wrong and right and horrible and perfect all at the same time and it confused me greatly. Most other thoughts had vanished from my head though. Nothing but him. Nothing but Zim.

As soon as I began to return the favor though…he pulled away…

" You deserve this." Zim said darkly, " You deserve the pain of being in love without being loved in return. You deserve to love your only hate."

My eyes widened as I realized I had heard that somewhere before, but before I could think of anything, he made one last shove. With that push, there was a bang, a loud familiar bang that rained blue over me as it sent Zim toppling over my head and down to the floor. I was left gasping for air.

I felt like I was falling slowly, as though maybe in a daydream or an oddly calm nightmare. As I started to slip over the edge, the last thing I saw was him.

Zim.

Not the Zim from my nightmares…not the one that was sent to a second death…it was the one I had created. He stood on the top bleacher, wincing from the rain hitting his green skin. With his huge white T-shirt I had given him and his new messy wig, he looked sort of like a madman. Especially with my gun in his hand, still smoking from the fresh shot.

Zim spotted me, slowly losing my war for balance and stared for a moment. I knew I could not ask him for his help. Then…then he adjusted the gun slightly…enough so that it was pointing at me.

" Bang." He said simply.

Then I couldn't see him anymore. I couldn't see anything anymore.

(A/N: Yum. Cliffhanger. Thanks for the reviews! Please R&R and the next chapter will be up soon. : ) )


	11. Zim: Sanctuary

I hadn't been expecting to wake up nice and comfortable. Infact, I wasn't really expecting to wake up at all. After all of that rain, I was certain I was going to die.

After a few moments of regained consciousness, I realized I had no idea where I as. Or what day it was. I was unsure of how long I had been unconscious as well.

Something had happened to Dib though, I knew that much. That…that _thing_ had pushed Dib over the edge of those high steps. I had no idea what it had been. What I saw was him. I saw Dib pushing himself over the edge. It confused me that there were two Dibs, but the one I was looking for was in trouble. The only way to tell was that one's clothes weren't horribly torn and one looked frightened out of his mind.

I had braced myself for absolute worst, climbing up those steps, especially without my old spider legs, for they had been removed ages ago. The thunder outside rang in my ears and the lightning threatened to set me on fire and the rain burned my skin. Somehow I made it to the top of the tall stair-thingies (why there would be stairs in a gymnatorium, I've no idea). I felt a deep satisfaction in that.

I remember I shot one of the Dibs with that feeble Earth gun as he started pushing him over the edge. That didn't save the real one though. He fell right after him. That was probably my fault though, for firing the empty gun at him and scaring him off balance.

What made me the most curious though, was the blue fluid that spurted from the false one. I didn't have much time to ponder that though, as I collapsed soon afterward. For all I knew, I could have fallen right after them off the edge of the stairs.

That creature bothered me though, mainly because I had no idea what it was. Invaders had a pretty decent knowledge of the other creatures inhabiting the universe, so they could be ready if they were ever attacked. It was part of basic training. It made me very depressed to realize I didn't know what it was.

I knew it was some kind of shape shifter…but why would it take Dib's form to attack him? For once, Dib had been silent in fear, so he provided no help to me. …Why would he be afraid of himself though?

My thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. That 'Tavi' girl entered the room uninvited, claiming a chair by my bed as her own. I was immediately suspicious.

" Ah! You're awake!" She said all too cheerfully, " That's good. We were worried."

I raised an eyebrow. We? Who was this 'We' she spoke of? It couldn't have been the E.D.U. or whatever Dib had said they were. They were trying to protect the Earth from alien invaders, not make sure they were comfortable. Once again, I was forced to remind myself I wasn't an invader anymore.

Then maybe it was Dib that was worried. That seemed even less likely though, seeing as he could possibly be dead or worse. That thought lingered for a moment or so. Dib…dead? That couldn't be right.

" …Where's Dib?" I asked slowly, from both disbelief and not having used my noise tube in a while.

" Dib?" Tavi blinked, although she had never met a 'Dib' before in her pathetic existence, " …He…he's not doing so well."

" What do you mean?" I asked desperately, expecting the worst, but hoping for the best.

" …He hit the wall." Tavi said softly, " The back of his head hit the wall on the way down. There's a really good chance that…that he'll die. We just don't have the right kind of equipment to treat him."

I wasn't sure how to feel in that moment. The Dib might die. The Dib-human, the Dib-beast, they were both as good as gone. Part of me was glad…after all, I would be free of the Dib forever. Then the other half would but into my business however, and make me recall the last few hours with him that really…really weren't that bad at all.

Apparently, I had been quiet far too long, as I felt Tavi's stares burn into me like rain.

" …Zim?" She asked softly, as though her words could console me.

As though I needed condolence.

" …Where is he though?" I repeated my question, trying to keep my voice even.

" He's in another room." She explained carefully, as though she would trip over her words and fall over onto her unborn child, " One where we have some better trained people looking after him. Please don't be offended at that though! You see, the only person with any clue about you anatomic structure is Dib so he would have be the only one qualified at all to treat you and-"

I stopped listening after that, because I really didn't care where the "good" doctors were. The thought of putting my life in Dib's hands made me almost glad he was unconscious. Almost.

Tavi's rant was interrupted midway by an annoyingly loud knock on the door. Sighing, she arose to go see just what it was they wanted. It was probably a curious someone that just wanted to see the freaky alien.

" Yes?" She asked opening the door, " Oh hello Spoog!"

Indeed, Spoog was at the door. Tavi must have stood almost a foot and a half taller than him. He gave her no greeting and seemed very calm and poised as he crossed the linoleum floor over to my bed. Tavi quietly slipped away while she had this wonderful opportunity to do so.

" You look better without your disguise you know." He said, sitting down in Tavi's chair.

It was only then that I noticed I wasn't wearing it. I suppose I was so used to not wearing it that the thought hadn't even occurred to me. I reached up to the top of my head, feeling my antennae twitch.

I stared at Spoog, who was sitting backwards in the chair. I wondered why he or Tavi or anyone else in this whole building would be concerned at all for my well being.

" It's because you belong to Dib." Spoog said simply when I voiced my concerns, " By law of the E.D.A. if someone here owns you, we can't hurt you. We actually did have a couple other members keep aliens for pets. He seems to treat you differently though…like you're special or somethin'…"

I sat back and thought about it for a moment. Dib had hurt me before…but now he seemed to be trying to protect me. Or maybe he just wanted the power of having an alien pet. Spoog said Dib treated me differently. That I was …'special'. What did he mean by that? Was I a slave? Was I an equal? Was I something else entirely?

" Can I ask you some things?" Spoog asked me.

" …Sure." I said suspiciously.

" How come you didn't join in with the other Irkens when they invaded?" He questioned with a raised eyebrow.

I really didn't want to talk about this. I didn't want to think about this. I didn't want to be reminded of that day. That horrible day…

" I…" I started softly, like some weak coward, " It was raining outside."

" Oh yeah." Spoog remembered, " I forgot about that. Well then, why didn't they come for you instead? They had their ships."

I knew the answer. They hated me. The Tallest hated me and they wanted me to die here alone and forgotten. I was the laughing stock of the Irken army.

" I…I don't know." I lied.

" Mm." Spoog changed the subject, " Dammit I need a cigarette."

I had no idea what a cigarette was, but Spoog stood up and headed for the door. He looked back at me as an afterthought.

" Wanna come?" He asked me, " You seem perfectly fine and it's a good excuse to stretch your legs."

I nodded and hopped out of the bed, finding I was wearing the same old rags from before. I was astonished for a moment that they hadn't burned in the rain like Irken clothing would have, but then I remembered that Dib had made me wear old clothing of his.

It really did feel good to walk around again. I wasn't sure how long I had been in that filthy bed, but it was long enough to make me lose the feeling in my legs.

I quickly ran after Spoog, who was already out the door. He didn't seem to notice that I had arrived, or care. For a long time we walked side by side, not saying a word. I wondered where we were going, but I had a feeling I wouldn't be answered if I asked. The silence between us echoed through the halls.

Occasionally, someone would walk by and stare. It was awkward, but I had long since gotten used to it. Apparently, a short green skinned boy is someone who would get stared at a lot on Earth.

Soon though, there were no more people. We were heading down a hallway with no doors and seemingly no exits. The lanterns became faded and eventually there were none. My superior Irken eyes could still see fine, fine enough to tell that Spoog had to feel around for the wall.

Spoog led me to a staircase, one that seemed very familiar to me somehow. It spiraled up at least three floors, but it was boarded up so no one could enter. This wasn't much of a surprise considering the skool's exterior.

I watched as Spoog carefully climbed between the boards, a feat that only someone his size would have been able to do. So of course, I easily followed him through the barricade and up the stairs.

We scaled the steep steps, dodging holes that would have had us falling forever. He stopped at the second door up and forced it open with all his might. I didn't help, though I don't think he was expecting me to.

Finally, it creaked open and we slowly headed out of the dark staircase and into a brighter place. It wasn't much brighter, but after the dim lights of the hallway it was like walking into the sun. It was the second level of the skool.

I hadn't been there in years. It brought back so many memories. Some good and some not so good, but memories just the same. I looked to Spoog, wondering why he would have brought me here.

" Hey, a military commander's gotta have someplace to hide from his troops," Spoog laughed.

I slowly began to realize that the entirety of the upper layers of the skool was Spoog's playground. It was his simply because he was the only one who could reach it. He was the only one small enough to climb up here. It was his own personal sanctuary and he was allowing me to enter. I couldn't help but feel extremely privileged

Spoog led me into a long abandoned classroom and pushed out the windows. He pulled himself up onto the broken heatbox along the window and pulled something out of his pocket. It was a small box.

" Want one?" He asked, holding it out to me as I climbed up with him.

I assumed these were those 'cigarettes'. I wasn't sure how they would affect me, so I declined. He just shrugged and took one out for himself. My eyes widened when he lit it on fire. I thought it was amazing how it burned slowly and glowed softly. Spoog pulled it out of his mouth and blew out thin grey smoke.

" You know," He said, looking out the window, " Dib doesn't smoke either. Says it's a nasty habit. I'll probably be killed in battle before it _really_ starts doing anything to me though."

A breeze came through the window and blew his black hair around a little. He seemed to be thinking hard about things. I wondered vaguely just what sort of things he escaped from by coming here.

" I hate this place." He said bitterly, " It feels like I've lived here forever. I was only twelve during The Impact, you know? I…I forget things sometimes. My old friends…my family…I hate that this my life now."

He shrugged, " But what can I do? This _is_ my life now. …My old life is gone."

I looked at him with a certain amount of understanding. After all, I had just lost my life as well. Here though, Spoog was forced to become a militant a bit too young, but I was being forced to step down.

" I shouldn't be complaining though." Spoog sighed, " I have a job to do."

He gazed out the window at the wreckage, as did I. I could see it in his big purple eyes. He missed things the way they had been before. At first, I disagreed. The people of Earth had been stupid, they had been ignorant, they had been blind. They had been foolish.

However…However I had been the same way. I was just as stupid, ignorant, foolish, and blind as the rest of them. All of that had been ripped from me though, and now all I had left were the little bits and pieces of my old life.

" _My dreams were ripped brutally away and thrown in an ocean somewhere…_"

The Dib human had seemed so sad and mournful when he said that, but at the same time he seemed angry at something. Now I knew though. I knew where his dreams had gone. I was willing to bet mine were floating right next to his in that stupid ocean.

Spoog's cigarette thing began to burn down to the end, so he pulled it out and carefully crushed it into the heatbox. He turned to me with a smile.

" Hey." He said softly, " Wanna go see how Dib's doing?"

I realized I wanted nothing more. We jumped off the heatbox and quickly headed back to the main headquarters. He led me through more hallways and down more corridors. I had no idea where we were, only where were going.

I found myself hoping, with some stretch of the imagination, that he was alive. That he was okay. That was would be awake and waiting to shoot insults at me as we always had. I didn't know what I'd do if he weren't.

Finally, Spoog came across one door with lots of noise escaping a broken window at the top. He pushed it open and held it for me as I ran inside, wishing for Dib to be sitting awake and telling me how much he hated me. Anything. I didn't even care if the Dib-monster was out. As long as he was alive.

…And there he was.

(A/n: Again, thanks for all of the wonderful reviews [Wow, you guys really liked the last chapter that much? Thanks! : ) ]! Please R&R and the next chapter will be up very soon. )


	12. Dib: Faded White

It's a bit strange to wake up and realize you're not standing on the ground.

Infact there was no ground. There was nothing. Just endless blue surrounding and covering me. No matter what direction I turned in, it was just…blue.

This strange new water was oddly breathable and easy to move in. It felt oddly like a dream. I waved a hand in front of my eyes, just to see if this was somehow real. That hand though…that entire arm was leaking red. My sleeve was torn and my shirt bore dark stains. My other arm was nearly identical.

Soon, red began to flood my foggy vision. A soft and menacing red cloud floated in front of me. Quickly, I turned around, only to meet another dark mist. Carefully I felt the back of my head, only to pull back sticky blood.

Suddenly, thoughts of that night filled my mind. Gaz…my dad…Zim… I brought my bloody hands to my mouth to keep myself from throwing up. I shut my eyes and felt myself gag over and over, unable to remove the sight and smell of all the blood from my memories.

I couldn't help but wonder if this was it. Was it really a dream? Was this…death? I had been expecting a more fiery doom than this…but it was probably horrible in its own ways. Still it didn't seem right…it was too calm. It was too peaceful. I was always taught that death was some horrifying thing.

Pulling myself away from the crimson cloud, I tried to think. It was incredibly hard for some reason, to stay on one thought. I just felt so tired and completely drained. This ocean seemed to almost suck the life out of me.

I casually looked down and kicked my feet back and forth. My shoes had disappeared for one reason or another. It was no concern of mine though.

My head felt so clouded and heavy…it was hard enough to keep myself from sinking further. Why I didn't want to sink, I wasn't sure. After all, it looked like there was nothing down there anyway. I suppose it was just a natural reaction to being thrown in an ocean.

I tried as hard as I possibly could to swim up, up and out of this place. My arms were frantically pulling and my legs were struggling to kick, trying so desperately to pull me upward. Try as I might though, I didn't seem to budge at all.

" That won't work."

I turned around very slowly at the familiar voice. My arms fell limp and my legs stopped struggling. The face that stood before me…I had seen it so many times. I'd seen it each day reflected back at me in the mirror.

It was…it was me.

It wasn't the me I'd grown accustomed to though. This one was shorter and didn't look quite as torn or quite as tired. This one…he was me before The Impact. He was a fourteen-year-old me.

" I've tried." He went on, " It doesn't work."

I continued to dumbly stare at my doppleganger. He looked at me like I was insane and waved a hand in front of my face.

" _Hello_? Anyone home in there?" He asked sharply.

I didn't answer him. My eyes were still locked on every move he made, every swerve of his jacket. I was wearing the very same one, as I had never been able to replace it. It was a little big on him (I suddenly remembered that I had replaced it only days before The Impact), but mine hung to my knees. The sleeves of mine had long since been torn off, exposing my blue shirt underneath.

Vaguely, I wondered how he could not notice who I was. The similarities were so blatant and obvious to me. I knew with his every awkward turn in the water just who he was.

My doppelganger sighed at me.

" Fine." He said, " Be like that. You probably don't even know who you're not talking to! I am the world's savior!"

I snickered a little. I had forgotten how annoying I'd been in my youth.

" You think I'm joking, don't you?" He put his hands on his hips, " You think this is all some big joke! Let's see how hard you're laughing when aliens take over the world!"

Of course, this made me laugh even harder. Irony was a wonderful comedian.

" You mean Zim, right?" I asked through my giggles.

This made my doppleganger stop in his tracks. He turned around quickly in his pacing and his jacket followed behind.

" You know Zim?" He asked in awe.

" I know Zim and the bigfoot baby and everything else you know." I said to him, " I _am_ you."

His eyes were wide with that statement. I could see it in his eyes that he was suddenly seeing all of our similarities. He shook his head though, refusing to believe.

" …No you're not." He denied, " You can't be me! Otherwise…who would I be?"

I shook my head at him. Apparently I had been stubborn as well. It seemed like such a simple concept to me. Though maybe it had to do with the fact that I was older, and that I had already been him. Somehow, that didn't seem quite right. He should be able to recognize me.

" …What's my favorite color?" My copy asked with a raised eyebrow.

" Blue." I rolled my eyes at him for the stupid question.

"…That was too easy! My shirt's blue!" He insisted, crossing his arms over his chest like a stubborn child.

" Mine is too." I sighed, " We're wearing the same clothes!"

He peered at my outfit, as though he didn't notice before. Indeed, it was the same shirt, though mine was a bit too short in the sleeves. This was becoming rather annoying now. I figured that I'd try to speed it up just a little.

" Oh, and your computer's password is Mothman." I said, trying to brush some blood off of my arm, " Which is also your alias in The Swollen Eyeball Network."

His eyes grew larger than they already were. I still didn't think any of this was hard to believe. Of course, I had just lived through my worst nightmares. Anything was possible at this point.

" You…" He stammered, " You really _are_ me…"

His mouth broadened into a grin. He launched into a million questions at once, as eager as ever.

" WOW! No wonder you knew about Zim!" He gasped, " So how's it going then? Did he take over the world? Did you stop him?"

I stopped him all right. I had reduced Zim to next to nothing, broken him beyond repair and I hated myself for it

"…You could say that." I said quietly, refusing to look my copy in the eye.

I felt my body shift a little and I was regretting my words. Now my younger self seemed horrified. He backed away from me slowly.

" No…" He said, voice quivering from fear, " No you're not me! You're…you're a monster! …YOU'RE THE MONSTER THAT KILLED ZIM!"

It seemed as though I'd swallowed a brick. I couldn't speak. I couldn't do anything but wonder how he'd known that. Besides…Zim wasn't _really_ dead. No…I hadn't…I couldn't have.

What my copy pulled out of his pocket proved his harsh words. It was a grey plate--no, a small tombstone. He threw it at my head and it seemed to move so slowly through the water. I reached for it and softly turned it in my hands. Indeed, it was a tombstone with Zim's name.

I saw him…I saw him as I fell. If anyone had really died, it was me. Unless…maybe I wasn't seeing it properly. Maybe _I_ was the one standing atop the bleachers, watching in horror as he fell.

That other Zim fell. Perhaps _that_ was the true Zim and the other, the one I saw on my way down…maybe he was the false one. I didn't know. All I knew was that it hadn't been me. I couldn't have been the one who killed Zim!

Things began to lose their clarity soon after that. Questions arose that hadn't occurred to me at first. Why would Zim have a tombstone? Who would bury him? And how would my younger self know about it anyway? It was that strange part of a dream where people begin to realize what's really happening. It was the part just before they woke up.

I felt a little bit of fear when I realized I wasn't waking up.

I could hear things though; I could hear people's voices. All at once they came, sudden and loud. It was difficult to pick just one to listen to. They seemed so familiar and so distant at the same time. They didn't seem to be talking to me, but rather, about me.

" NO! No, he CAN'T be dead!"

" He isn't yet, but he probably will."

" Pfft. He's as good as dead now."

" Do you think he'll wake up?"

" It's really anyone's guess at this point."

" Please Dib…_Please_…"

Dead? I can't be dead. I can hear them, whoever they are. I'm only sleeping. That must be it. Why don't they just wake me up? Pour some water on me or…or something! Don't just leave me here!

I found myself panicking. Maybe I _would_ die here. Maybe they would leave me here. Maybe I would be forgotten, just a bad memory.

For the longest time I had thought that I wasn't afraid of death. I deserved to go after all. It was supposed to be some horrifying horror that punished you fro your sins, but I had never been afraid of that sort of thing. In that moment though…I was terrified of it. I didn't want to die. I wasn't exactly sure what it was that I wanted to live for…

The tombstone floated in front of my face, shouting Zim's name at me. Zim… In that instant, I knew why I wanted to live. I wanted to live…for Zim. I couldn't erase what I'd done to him of course, but still…I wanted to try and make it right. I couldn't very well do that if I was dead.

Maybe I was just making excuses for myself. Maybe I just wanted to try and justify myself. It didn't matter though. The point was that I wanted to live. I hadn't wanted that in a long time.

My copy had moved several feet away from me now. He seemed almost frightened of me, but with his accusation, I thought he might be.

" No…you can't be me." He said again, "You're nothing like me. What's wrong with you? You're a paranormal investigator, right? Why…why would you _kill _him? What happened to your dreams? What happened to them?"

I had almost forgotten about that entirely. I knew I had dreamed of it once before, of being a paranormal investigator…but I had long abandoned that goal. There were more important things now, like protecting the Earth from aliens and simply staying alive on one box of yellow twinkle cakes for three weeks.

I gasped in shock once I realized fully where I was. I had to ask though, just to be sure.

" Where…" My words trailed softly, " Where are we?"

" The Sea of Dreams." My copy said, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.

…This was unreal. The Sea of Dreams? I knew in that moment just who I was taking to. It wasn't the world's savior or some crazy child. No, he was made of the dreams of a child, long ago. The dreams that let him soar to unimaginable heights. The dreams that kept him alive. The dreams that were torn away as he was sent plummeting to the ground. The very dreams that were stolen from me.

The Sea of Dreams…it must have been one of the many planes of the mind. I knew I wasn't dead. I was just…stuck in my head somehow.

With that thought, I began to sink. I suddenly couldn't breathe anymore, but I could move freely. Once again, I struggled to swim upward. My efforts were answered though, as I moved slowly towards the surface.

" HEY! Where are you going? Get back here!" My doppelganger cried out.

I couldn't have answered if I wanted to. The water sealed my mouth shut, choking me. I just kept swimming and swimming, praying that I was going in the right direction. The lack of air burned my lungs once again as I neared the surface. I could see the rippling water and the sun shining through. The sun…it hadn't been sunny in five years.

My copy was just a speck in the distance as I approached the surface. I had to make it. I had to. I couldn't die here. I just couldn't.

My mind began to fog once again from lack of oxygen. It was hard, but I concentrated solely on one thought--resurfacing.

All of a sudden, I felt one bloody, sticky hand poke its way into the cool breeze. As quickly as I could, I pulled myself up and out of the water. Taking a deep breath, I opened my eyes…and the world faded to white…

…slowly…

…slowly my dreams…

…faded to white…

(A/N: Thanks for all of the reviews [You all seem really concerned for Dib and Zim. Hm. We'll have to wait and see if they make it out of this story all right! : ) ] Please R&R and the next chapter will be up soon. )


	13. Zim: Lone

I found out the hard way that things get very boring in this little H.Q. very fast when there are no aliens attacking.

A week had passed since I'd last seen Dib. That meant he'd been unconscious about a week and a half (I found out from Spoog that I'd been out for two days). He wasn't dead though, and that was still good.

However, I did miss him. It was strange not having him around, even though his body was lying right there. That of course, didn't stop me from visiting him daily.

" His mind is somewhere else." They told me one day…the humans looking after the Dib told me so, " Somewhere far away…there's a chance that even if he _does_ wake up…well, he might not be 'Dib'."

I hadn't understood that statement at all. Where would his brain be if it weren't in his giant head? What they mean by 'He wouldn't be Dib?' Who _else_ would he be? These humans…sometimes I believed they lived to only to confuse me.

The other strange thing about this place was that I was given a temporary room. I had a room and a bed that even had sheets. It was more than I had ever had in Dib's apartment. Details were becoming foggy though, as I wondered if I even had a bed in my old base.

Of course, being a secret organization, the humans there were extremely busy and had little time to pay any attention to me. Tavi had to continue her research and even Spoog had his military to attend to. Every once in a while, someone would poke their smelly head in my room and see if I'd destroyed humanity yet, but other than that I saw no one and nothing all day. Most of my days there were spent laying on that stiff bed staring up at the greasy ceiling. It was an incredibly boring existence.

At least once a day, Spoog would come by my room. He seemed to be very regular, but I had no way of proving so. He would lead me from my stuffy room out into the halls to Dib's. Every time I walked with him, I felt he held the air of a Tallest. So regal…so proud…so confident. Tallest Spoog. …It had an interesting ring.

Of course, my thoughts usually roamed to my own Tallests from there. I tried not to think about it.

Usually Spoog would sit with me during my visit. On some days though, he would be in a real hurry and simply drop me off. I usually got to stay longer on those days.

One day though, Spoog creaked open the door and only peered in. I was once again lying on my bed for lack of better, more interesting things to do. He slipped inside quietly, trying to sneak up on me I suppose. I already knew he was there; I could hear him coming down the hallway. I allowed him his fun however, and pretended I didn't.

He wasn't really being very sneaky, as I could hear each creak of the shiny floor. It may have just been the superior hearing my antennae gave me though. Finally he arrived at my bedside and knelt down. I kept my eyes transfixed on the ceiling, not allowing myself a glance.

" I've got a surprise for you." He whispered excitedly.

" A surprise?" I echoed, giving in and gazing his way.

" Yes." He said, with a wide grin, " A surprise."

I flung my legs over the side of the bed and sat up. I couldn't help but worry that the humans were ready to do me in, that they were going to shove me out into the rain. I could just hear them shouting out " Surprise!" as I writhed and boiled in the poison water. I raised an eyebrow at Spoog.

" What sort of _surprise_?" I asked suspiciously.

" A good surprise." He said, his smile never fading, " A wonderful, excellent, beautiful surprise."

I arose, deciding he didn't seem to wish any harm on me. My paranoia never ceased though, and only made me more suspicious. When I moved for the door, I felt a hand on my shoulder.

" Nuh-uh." he said in a playfully childish way, " You gotta close your eyes."

" …Close my _eyes_?" I asked, bewildered.

I wondered if he knew that I would still be able to tell which way we were going. My antennae would naturally pick up sounds and movements. Again, I decided to play along.

" Fine." I sighed.

Almost immediately, he threw his hands over my eyes as though I couldn't do it myself. He awkwardly began to walk us out of my room and down the hall and I felt like I was going to trip. Not from being blinded of course, but from him pulling me along by the head. It was an extremely odd feeling.

I tried to keep aware of my position as he led me down swerving corridors. If he was bringing me to my doom as I feared, I wanted to be able to run and have a vague idea where I was going.

After the usual long walk, he brought me to the usual door and I began to wonder what was happening. Could it be…?

Spoog removed his hands from my face and let me enter the room. I paced my steps, unsure of what to expect. I must have gasped, because Spoog decided to sneak up behind me as he entered.

" Surprise." He whispered.

It was one of the best surprises I had ever gotten. Better than any of the "surprise water balloons" Dib had given me in his youth. No, this was much better than that.

There were balloons tied around the bed in disgustingly bright colors and stuffed beasts were resting on the dresser. I noticed there were no flowers even though it is a traditional Earth custom, but that is probably because there are none growing anymore.

A swarm of these horrid people surrounded the bed, so that no one else could see. That of course, wasn't my wonderful surprise, however what they were guarding in the bed…that was a truly amazing thing, if I do say so myself.

Spoog cleared his throat and the crowd turned to look at him. Immediately they cleared a spot for us to stand. I ran over right away, gripping the cool bars at the end of the bed.

Dib had awakened. I noticed that the pathetic stink-beasts in charge of him had finally changed his bloody head wrappings as well. He tried to sit up, but the hoard of people surrounding him commanded that he lie back down. Normally Dib wouldn't take orders from anyone, but for once he complied. Somehow, he still managed to tilt his head enough to stare up at me with his big gold eyes, even with tons of humans surrounding him and trying to pamper him.

Spoog cleared his throat again.

" You know…Dib's probably tired…" He said, " Maybe it would be best if we allowed him to rest a little. It's been a long day, don't you think?"

Immediately, the group filed out, bidding Dib good luck and good wishes, leaving him in his mountain of gifts. Dib let out a sigh and tried sitting up again. This time, he was successful.

" Thank God…" He said, holding his head in his hand, " I thought they would _never_ leave!"

" Well they were worried about you." Spoog explained, " We all were. You were gone a long time."

" …How long?" Dib asked curiously.

" …About a week and a half." I said, my voice soft.

His eyes widened at that. The look on his face said it all. _Wow, **that** long?_

There was a quiet moment between us after that. There was nothing to say, yet so much to say all at the same time. I tried my hardest to keep my eyes off of him, but I could feel his stare burn into my skin.

Spoog looked between us and decided that now was a good time to shoo himself out.

" Well you guys, I've got tons of work to do." He excused himself, " So I'd better get going."

He bid us goodbye and left the room as quickly as he could. Somehow that made the silence in the room get even thicker. I tried to smash a hole in it.

" So…" I started slowly, " Where did you go?"

This confused the Dib-human very much. I shifted my feet back and forth before elaborating.

" Everyone said you were somewhere else." I said with my throat tied in an uncomfortable knot, " …Where were you?"

He stared at me again, seeming to try and piece together what I had said. It hadn't occurred to me before then that his wound had affected him that much. He laughed.

" You know what?" He said, " I don't even remember anymore."

Well…he _seemed_ to be feeling better. That was good at any rate.

It grew quiet again for several moments after that. I desperately wanted to apologize, but I couldn't do it. It was an old habit, I suppose. Invaders weren't supposed to say sorry to anyone. They weren't supposed to regret their actions and they certainly weren't supposed to feel the way I was feeling in that moment. I doubted if they were supposed to feel at all.

All of a sudden, something changed in Dib's eyes. That something clawed at them, changing the expression altogether. It spread out into the room and it was a feeling I knew very well. It was fear.

" Zim?" He said in almost a whimper, " Who…What was that? That thing that attacked…base…?"

This was new. I had never seen something cause such fear in the big-headed boy before. For once in his miserable lifetime he seemed truly afraid.

" They're called Metus." I said.

I had figured it out sometime a couple of days ago. There really aren't that many creatures that bleed such thick blue blood. It also explained the second Dib.

" M…metus?" He stammered.

" They feed off of people's fears, until eventually they wind up killing the person they've chosen to use," I explained, " It's possible that they've actually been here for several months, giving people nightscares. They just chose now to finally attack and bring those nightscares to life."

Again, Dib paused to piece everything together in his head. At first, I thought I wanted to know what he had seen. Looking at him though…and seeing the fear that hid in his eyes…that alone was enough to change my mind.

I watched him carefully as he brought his knees up to his chest and held them there. He seemed to be trying to stare a hole in the wall as he thought hard about things I'll never know.

I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to do. I did the only thing I could do…nothing.

" So…" He started slow, " …Metus…"

I nodded. What else _could_ I do?

" …Zim?" He asked.

" Yes?" I wondered what it was he wanted.

" …Why…why did you save me?" He asked in a tiny broken voice, " You could have just let that…that thing…Metus…you could have let the Metus get me. Why?"

Save him? I hadn't saved him! He fell off anyway, because of me! How can he say I saved him?

" You know what I mean." Dib said, " Why did you shoot it down?"

…I didn't answer him. I didn't have an answer to give. I didn't have an answer that he or I could possibly understand.

" Why?" Dib asked again, " Tell me Zim…"

Seeing his pleading looks, I gave him my only honest answer.

" …I can't." I said.

The Dib seemed saddened by this answer, but I really didn't have anything better to tell him. Deep down, I somehow knew. I knew exactly why. I couldn't say I understood it, but I knew.

…It was because I hadn't wanted him to die. Despite everything he had ever done to me and everything he's ever said, I didn't want him to die. I didn't want him to leave me here alone.

Dib still appeared bothered by my response. I wanted to say or do something to try and fix it, but before I could there was a knock on the door.

Tavi opened the door, with a small smile on her face. I was unsure of whether it was because Dib was lying in a bed hurt or if it was something else entirely. I had discovered fairly quickly that they weren't on the best of terms.

" Zim?" She called from the doorway, " Spoog sent me to come escort you back. Come on."

I peered back at Dib, who hadn't taken his eyes off of the wall. His legs were still crossed and he hadn't said anything else. I stared for a moment or so at the scars riding up his arms, revealed by the ripped shirt.

" Zim?" She said again.

" …Bye…" I whispered as I headed for the door.

I hadn't wanted to leave. Not yet anyway. I wanted to stay there with Dib. In that one moment, just before I left…I had never seen Dib look more lonesome. Infact...I had never seen _anyone_ look so truly alone before.

(A/N: Well folks, it's almost that time. Yes, that horrible time when a story must end. I appreciate all of the reviews and all of the people that stuck with me through all these chapters. The next chapter is the last. It's been a fun ride. : ) So please R&R and it should be up fairly soon.)


	14. Dib: Tears

A month had passed since then. Since I woke up I mean.

I couldn't wait to be released from my bed. I had long grown tired of people bothering me day and night. They surrounded my bed in mobs, never once giving me a moment's peace. They always found the dumbest questions to ask too. Of course I was all right. I don't look dead, do I? I much preferred my solitude, but they always made sure they had someone with me so I wouldn't be lonely. It nearly drove me insane.

At least they stopped coming after Tavisha went into labor two months early. Zim told me about it. Apparently he had accompanied her, along with Spoog, and Zim got to see the disgusting miracle that is human birth. He told me that on his planet they're all "Tube smeets", whatever that means. I assumed that he meant they were all created by technology.

His visits were the only thing I possibly hated more than my frequent groupies. He came everyday, at first escorted by Spoog and then later in the month, he came on his own. Each time the concerned people by my bedside would leave me, assuming it was private business. I had no one to hide behind now.

Zim would sit in a chair by my bedside, and he would stay there for hours. Sometimes he would try to talk to me, sometimes he wouldn't. After that first day though, I couldn't bring myself to speak to him. There was never anything I felt I could say. There was never anything that could make what I'd done to him right. There was no reason for him to save me.

I can see it though…being here is doing Zim a world of good. I can tell. His laughter in the halls carries itself into my room to tease me. All of this interaction with other people…it's healing him slowly.

I was amazed to discover that he had been accepted so fully into E.D.A. Of course he was mine so I expected them to make sure he wasn't mistreated, but still…I knew how they were treating him. He was an equal in their eyes.

Spoog had taken a liking to Zim though, which was excellent. We had no real sense of government, but because he ran the military portion of the E.D.A., he was the closest thing to a leader we had. I knew if it had been anyone else they would have neglected him and left him to rot in a cold barred room.

That's what it felt like they had done to me, minus the bars of course.

Spoog really made a good leader though, even if he was still just a kid. I was amazed when I heard how he had led the troops in and defeated the rest of the Metus. What made it so incredible was that most of our troops were still in the infirmary from the Irken attack. It was rumored that Spoog only had ten men with him.

I didn't really realize just how well Zim fit here until one week before I was released. He was by my bedside once more. For once, he actually had a story of his day to tell me. Apparently, he was able to fill in all of our missing information on various aliens that had invaded us. We would capture one occasionally, but many would refuse to cooperate or give us false information.

I could remember having an assignment once, dealing with one. He was blue and sickly and ready to die. The thing hadn't eaten in days. It was a truly miserable creature. He never told us what he was. He didn't respond to diplomacy or ferocity. So I was sent in to finish the job once and for all.

" Why do you do this to yourself?" I asked, slipping on my black gloves.

The filthy creature spat at my feet and glared.

" Why do you torture yourself slowly like that?" I asked, " It doesn't make sense to me. If you want to die so badly that you'd starve yourself why don't you just die and get it over with? "

I pulled my gun out of its holster; secretly thankful for the gloves Tavisha had given me. They were silk and black and kept the horrible sticky blood off of my hands. Tugging the sleeves on my jacket that would disappear within the next year, I pointed it at the alien's skull.

Two ruby eyes stared up at me and he wheezed through a slit in his throat. These creatures, whatever they were, had no mouths, but spoke through vertical cuts in their necks. It was sickening to watch really.

" It…" He croaked through his neck, " It is my punishment."

My arm fell slightly. Shock crawled its way onto my face. I figured that I must not have heard correctly.

" Punishment?" I echoed.

" Ah…" The old alien wheezed, " Humans…from what I have observed…you are all too stubborn and…selfish for your own good. I could…could not expect you to…possibly understand."

I pointed the gun again, this time putting it closer to his head.

" How can I understand when you're not explaining clearly?" I asked in a hurried nervous tone.

" You can not understand true…" He coughed up some thin purple liquid that I would take for testing later, " True despair…for humans…are far too caught up in their own lives to…care for their own people."

" My crime…was failure." He said, " And…my punishment…is death. I deserve nothing less than that…and I do not deserve to go easily."

I stared at the alien for several moments. I wasn't sure of exactly what he wanted from me. He obviously wanted to die. Was he asking me to spare him?

Also, what was all this crap about how selfish humans were? As though he could honestly say he knew anything about my life or where I'd been.

" Any last thoughts?" I asked nastily as I moved the gun ever closer.

" _Kem nur sar thersa…Ma tag…Nefotza._" He shut his eyes and babbled.

" What does that mean?" I asked in a hurried panic, as though the alien had cursed me in some way.

" May you rest…" He whispered hoarsely, " …Without sadness…or despair."

My eyes twitched in confused fear. After all, humans fear what they do not understand. I definitely did not understand this old alien's sudden compassion. My hands shook and I struggled to steady my gun.

Bang.

The purple splattered all over the white walls like some odd abstract painting. The alien quickly fell limp in the chair he was tied to. My hands never stopped shaking after that moment. I didn't know exactly what it was though, that made me so afraid. I stayed away from base three days over that. I came back when I remembered Zim's blood could splatter as well.

I had never understood what that alien had meant…not until now. This had to be one of my lowest lows. It was less than I deserved though, and I knew it…but what could I do? There was no punishment for me and there was no way for me to fix things. There was no way for me to fix Zim.

Then…then maybe they could.

Soon after, I was finally released from my makeshift hospital prison. My head still hurt like hell, but I wasn't going to die so I demanded that they let me leave. Besides, I still had aspirin at the apartment and they had long since run out of it here.

Nearly as soon as I stepped out of bed I slipped my boots on. I wasn't staying long and it would be best to leave unnoticed by the masses. The doctors waved me off after changing my bandages for the last time. They told me I would probably have a nasty scar, but that was to be expected.

I tried very hard to go unnoticed, I really did. Unfortunately someone saw me in the hall. That someone told someone else and then went on to tell five more and soon everyone knew. By the time I had reached the exit, there was already a group of people waiting for me, demanding to know why I was leaving them without goodbyes.

Those people were ignored as I heard footfalls behind me. I whipped my head around (a painful action I immediately regretted) wondering who it was.

The first one I saw was Spoog, running as fast as he could to try and catch me. Zim was right by his side. The real shocker though, was Tavisha right behind them, holding her new child. It wasn't a secret to anyone here that we weren't on the best terms, so I didn't know why she would even bother coming.

Finally, they all stopped right in front of me, breathing heavily. Zim looked up at me with his giant ruby eyes and I stopped trying to walk away. He couldn't seem to form the question in his mind, but Spoog did that for him.

" Hey!" He shouted through short breaths, " Aren't you forgetting someone?"

He motioned toward Zim, who looked extremely confused at the whole situation. I simply pretended to not know what they were talking about, and moved to leave again.

" …Dib?" Zim whispered my name.

I turned around once more. Zim had this odd look on his face that I couldn't place quite right. I stepped toward his small green frame and bent down, which only seemed to confuse him more. My hands slowly made their way up to his neck, to play with his collar once last time. Finding the latch, I unclasped it and let the red collar fall to the ground.

It was the only thing I could do. I had no real reason to keep him anymore. Ours days as enemies were never real, so I had no reason to hate him as I did. It all feels like a dream now…

All I could do…was let him go.

Zim stared at me so completely confused and startled. I turned around once again, because I didn't think I could face him.

" Spoog?" I called out blindly, " …Take good care of Zim, would you?"

I knew my crime…

" After all…" I continued, " We don't want anything to happen…to our first foreign E.D.A. member."

…And this…was my punishment…

" What?" Zim gasped, wide-eyed and shocked.

…A life…without him. That was my punishment.

" This environment will be much more suitable for the type of work he'll be doing." I said sternly, " So Tavisha, please prepare Zim a permanent dorm and see about finding someone to train him."

I deserved it. I deserved to love someone I couldn't have. I deserved to love someone that would never love me back. …I deserved that loneliness.

" Er…Dib?" Tavisha said uncertainly.

" You heard me. Your ears don't overlap." I said harshly, " Prepare Zim a permanent dorm room."

" What 'bout you?" Spoog asked, " You should stay too. We could really use you 'round here."

" I already told you." I said, sparing a small glance back his way, " You people would drive me insane."

Spoog had no response to this, but he looked pretty annoyed. To this I just laughed.

" Don't worry." I said, " I'll come back. You know I always do."

To be honest, I wasn't sure how long it would be before I came back the next time. If only for the sake of the Earth, I knew there would eventually be a next time though. I was a scientist and they needed me. At this point E.D.A. needed anyone they could get.

I began to walk away, not giving anyone a chance for goodbyes. I didn't want or deserve any. The sea of people that had come to bid me farewell parted for me. I could hear footsteps behind me, but I didn't bother looking to see who it was.

" WAIT!"

That only made me walks faster. Nobody was going to keep me waiting any longer. It hurt to just be standing there in that filthy place, knowing I was leaving Zim behind. My feelings on it didn't matter though. It had to be done.

" Dib, wait! STOP!"

All of a sudden, I couldn't move foreword. My arm was being pulled back the other way, refusing to let me continue on. It held me there, not allowing me to put my monsters back in the closet or hide my past away.

I turned my head ever so slightly, to see who was keeping me prisoner. It was the last person I ever expected to see in that pose.

It was Zim. Zim was tugging at my sleeve as hard as he could, to keep me from walking away from him. I couldn't believe my eyes.

" Don't…" He said quietly, looking down, " Don't go…"

Why…after everything I had done to him…

" I…want you to stay." He told the floor.

…After everything I hadn't done _for_ him…

" I need…" He whispered, " …I need you here."

…Why?

" I need…I need you to be with me…"

Why me?

" …Because…you're the only one I've got…you're the only thing I've got."

That wasn't true. He had the E.D.A. …he had Spoog and Tavisha. Everything he needed was here. I was everything that would bring him down. I should be happy…and I should be happy for him.

" You're…the only thing that was ever real in my life…" Zim pulled on my sleeve harder, " My mission…my life…none of it was real. So everything before you…didn't exist…"

I could see tears forming in his ruby eyes. Shame was scribbled on his face and he refused to look up at me. His eyes fluttered as he tried to blink away his tears.

" Please Dib…"

It took several moments for me to gather the courage to speak. I felt myself choke on my voice whenever I tried.

" Zim…" I finally managed to spit out, " You're better off this way. Away from me."

" I don't care if it's best for me! I don't care if you beat me again!" He shouted at me, " I don't care what makes turn into the Dib-beast or how many times you put me back in that cage! I just…"

He seemed to lose track of his thoughts after that statement. I guessed that he was lying through his teeth. There was no way he seriously want to return with me.

" I just…want you to stay…and I want to stay with you too." Zim quieted down.

There was something wrong here…this couldn't possibly be right. Who would put up with all of that…just to be with someone? Who would put up with all of that…just to be with me? My eyes were wide as saucers listening to him.

" I…I don't know what I'd do without you." Zim confessed to me.

I didn't know what I would do without him either…it was a thought that hadn't occurred to me until he voiced it. It was true though. I really didn't know what I would do in that cold apartment alone. I'm sure the air there would suffocate me and choke me until I died old, cold, and alone like the monster I was.

" Please Dib…please stay…please don't leave me alone…" Zim begged me.

I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. It amazed me how anyone could have such compassion…such forgiveness for me. No one had ever treated me that way before. I had grown up not knowing kindness or any true compassion at all. It was astounding that even after I had completely smashed him into little pieces, he could still forgive my sins.

Spinning around, I felt like I was flying. I wrapped Zim in my arms and openly cried. Bent over I cried into his shoulder, pulling him ever closer to me. My glasses fogged and my knees shook and I found myself leaning against him for support.

" How…" My voice quivered, " How can you possibly be that forgiving?"

Zim seemed rather shocked, as he didn't answer for a moment or so. What he did do...was he slowly began to hold me in return. He held me and stroked my hair. He…he comforted me.

" It's easy…" He whispered in my ear, " …It's because…"

He quickly grew frustrated with himself and his lack of vocabulary, " It's because I…"

Through Zim's awkwardness, Tavisha spoke up.

" I believe the word you're looking for, Zim…" She smiled, holding her newborn child, " …is love."

" Love?" He echoed in confusion.

" Yes…" Tavisha rocked her child softly, " …love."

Zim said nothing more, and I wasn't sure if I would even have heard him. Balanced precariously, I broke down on his shoulder. Eventually, due to both injury and mental distress, my arms fell to my sides as I released him. My loud cries had faded to soft whimpering tears. Even so, Zim continued to hold me. He held his head next to mine, as though he were trying to feel my pain or offer his comfort.

To tell the truth, I really _did_ feel rather weak. My weeping only seemed to amplify the pain in the back of my head. Spoog noticed this of course, and turned to glare at the ocean of admirers.

" Which one of you was stupid enough to release him?" Spoog asked harshly, " What if he'd blacked out at his own base? What would we have done then, HUH?"

No one answered. They all stared at their feet, or scratched their heads, or simply feigned ignorance and no one would confess.

Spoog sighed.

" I deal with _you_ lot later." He said bitterly, " Right now, we need to get him to the infirmary again. Zim? Would you please help him along?"

Zim nodded of course, and struggled to help me stand. My knees still shook and walking immediately became very tricky. Zim, and soon Spoog, helped me along though.

I couldn't help but wonder why. As far back as I could remember…no one had ever treated me in this regard. Even in my own home…Dad…Gaz…Dad was never around and Gaz? Gaz didn't care about anything that wasn't on her GameSlave screen or in a pizza box. I had no friends at skool. This feeling…it was completely foreign to me.

This feeling…what was it?

Maybe it was what Tavisha was talking about…love. Maybe it was something else. I couldn't really tell. Not in this daze anyway.

Zim and Spoog carefully led me through the halls. Both of them were rather short, so no matter which way I leaned my back was at an odd angle. They both worked to get me back to that horrible white room. It astounded me that anyone could care that much for me. They made me feel like I actually belonged there.

That was it. I belonged there. I belonged with Zim.

Here…Here, I was home for the very first time in my life.

(A/N: Yeah…remember how I said this was the last chapter? …I lied. XD Actually, plot bunnies attacked me and forced me to write an epilouge. It should be up in a few days or so. Please R&R. : ) )


	15. Zim: Stars

Spoog ordered that Dib rest in bed for at least another month after what he saw when Dib tried to leave. Apparently his wounds had never completely shut, and he had started bleeding heavily once again. Luckily, he didn't go away this time.

Dib and Spoog had a rather loud argument over the matter. It was so loud, I could hear all the way from my new dormitory. It seemed the Dib-human was rather annoyed that he would be out of commission for so long. It also seemed that Spoog didn't care.

My new dormitory was even better than my temporary one had been. This one was more personalized, with Earthian reading materials and various little accessories lining secret storage compartments (which I assumed were for storing clothing). One that caught my attention right away was a small figurine. I think it was the original human ideal of a Martian. It was small, green, and had a big head that…sort of 'bobbled' around when poked. Of course it was technically incorrect, but that didn't really matter.

I quickly discovered within a couple of days that life in a secret base isn't as glamorous as it seems. Of course, it never really appeared very glamorous in the first place.

Even though I had only just been recruited, I was forced into the training later than day. It was nothing as intense as I had gone through to become an Irken invader, but it still proved fairly challenging. It consisted mostly of tests of physical endurance and weaponry, along with some scientific trials. I finished with one of the highest scores in sharp shooting they had seen. Of course, I wasn't surprised by this at all.

After my seven-day training period, they almost immediately placed me in the research department. I was slightly agitated; after all, I had received excellent scores in most of the weaponry and other war-type training courses, but I kept my mouth shut. The missing information in their alien species charts had almost been completely filled by the time I was done with them.

It was an extremely simple job that really required very little work on my part. I was easily able to skip out and go visit Dib in their pathetic excuse for an infirmary daily (and sometimes nightly). Sometimes we would talk and sometimes we wouldn't, but the Dib-human was still rather weak. I never stayed very long.

Only about a week later, Spoog came up with another job for me to do. He said he had cursed himself for not thinking of it sooner. Then he asked me a rather odd question.

" Zim…do you have any experience with aircraft?"

" Aircraft?" I questioned him, " What kind?"

" Well…I was thinking spaceships, but anything will do really." He laughed.

" Of course I do." I informed him, remembering fondly my voot cruiser and my other vehicles.

" Well then Zim…" He said, playful smacking me on the back, as humans tend to do, " You're going to be our head engineer."

This…engineering as Spoog called it, was a much better duty for me than researching. It was a subject I was actually advanced in, since Irken technology far surpassed Earth's and since I had incredible knowledge of the subject. Of course, it wasn't exactly an easy task that Spoog was asking of me. He wanted me to create spaceships for them, vessels so that they could take battles into space and away from Earth. It was a rather good idea in theory, but I wasn't certain if I would have all of the right materials.

Spoog surprised me however. He showed me to a room stocked to the ceiling with old parts, random scrap, and old engines. I even saw pieces from old Irken ships that had crashed in that rainy battle. There were also many tools scattered about in every direction.

What shocked me the most was one box in the corner. Rummaging through it, I found many of _my_ old tools, from my base. I pulled out my electrical prongs, staring at them.

" Dib brought that box in one day." Spoog scratched his head, " No one could figure out how to use anything in it though."

Immediately, I brought them together and pulled them apart, almost attaching a sparkly blue string across the top. Smiling, I remembered that I could use this to charge all of the other electrical appliances I needed. Spoog was simply amazed.

With that discovery, I accepted my assignment gladly. It would take a lot longer than it normally would, simply for the fact that I would have to improvise on so many things, but I was ready for it. I informed Spoog that I would need some kind of basic shell to start with, as these were my only materials. He didn't say anything to me, but spent almost three days trying to get a human transport vehicle into the gymnatorium. Also, he recruited some of my engineering assistants to place a temporary blue…shielding I suppose…over the hole in the ceiling. I believe they called it a tarp.

I was amazed. They had cared enough about me to make sure I didn't get hurt. It was touching, really.

After almost a week of preparation, it was finally time to get started on this new project. I hadn't been so excited about something in ages. My assistants tore out the backseat and I quickly began welding and wiring. Eventually my helpers left to go sleep, but being an Irken, I really didn't need rest. My pak was able to recharge me. They were astonished to finding me working when they returned in the morning.

Things went on like that for a month (or maybe it was two…). The small insect-like car was quickly being transformed into Earth's first efficient space vessel. Soon my assistants were only doing mediocre tasks, like handing me materials. I was still working just as hard as I had been on day one however. I was fascinated by my work and found myself getting caught up in it. I hadn't even visited Dib since I was working in research.

I really did miss my visits to his room. Vaguely, I sometimes wondered if he missed them as well. With another connection of wires, I promised myself I would visit him for the whole day just as soon as I had finished this project.

One day though, I was startled out of my precious work. My workers were still in bed sleeping when a lone figure snuck up behind me. In almost a deep trance, I didn't notice him.

" Hey Zim."

I fell over backwards and hung by my knees from my working platform, gazing at my visitor. All I saw though, was Dib standing on his head.

" Dib!" I flipped right side down and dangled my feet over the edge of the flimsy platform to get a better look at him.

He certainly _looked_ better than the last time I'd seen him. He still wore bandages around his large head and his glasses were still cracked, but he still seemed like he was healing somehow.

" When did you get out of the infirmary?" I asked him, trying not to sound as excited as I was.

" Well, let's just say I'm out for good behavior." He said with a wink, " They just want me to try walking around for a bit. You know, to see if I can handle it."

" Oh…" I said, inspecting him up and down with my eyes, " …it seems that you can."

" I've only been out five minutes, Zim." Dib rolled his eyes.

" …I knew that." I said, hoping he'd buy it.

There was never any fooling Dib though. He just shook his head and walked closer to me, staring up at my prized project. There was little to be said about the incomplete beauty, other than its obvious marvelousness.

" Wow…" Dib said in awe, just as he should have been, " So this is the 'UFO' everyone's been talking about."

" It's not a UFO!" I snapped, " It's…er…well I haven't quite decided what to name it yet. I can assure you though, that it will be a much more amazing name than _UFO_."

Dib tilted his head to one side, gazing at the welded mass of yellow and steely gray metals.

" It looks…kinda like your old ship." He observed.

" Well of course!" I said, " It's modeled after one of my finest vessels, thus it shall be just as amazing. Perhaps even more so."

Dib stared up at me for a moment or so. Much to my surprise, he laughed. He began laughing so hard that he had to bend over slightly and hold his head. It wasn't something that I was used to though. I was used to his cold laughs and sarcastic sneers and insane chuckles. This laughter though…it seemed warm and not really negative at all.

" Zim…" He said, catching his breath and smiling up at me, " You…you haven't changed at all, have you?"

I blinked at the strange and delusional wounded human below me.

" What do you mean?" I asked.

The Dib was still giggling. He put his hand over his mouth to try and silence it, but it just rolled out of him. After a good laugh, he placed a hand on his forehead, taking in a deep breath.

" I was just afraid that I'd ruined you…" Dib said with a relieved smile, " …But apparently I hadn't. You're the same as you always were. Exactly the same."

It was a thought that I hadn't even had time to think about. I'm sure Dib had though, all alone in that hospital room. It hadn't even occurred to me that he would possibly heal before I was finished.

Had I really remained unchanged though? After everything that we had been through…was I really the same as I had been before?

Somehow, it didn't seem possible. Something was different, but I couldn't place my finger on what. I knew I couldn't possibly be the same.

After I realized I'd been quiet far too long; nine years far too long, I spoke up again, to break my uncomfortable silence.

" Well of course not!" I scolded him, " Did you honestly think anything could ruin as amazing an Irken as ME? Pfft. How dare you think such unthinkable thoughts?"

This only made Dib start laughing again. He looked strange when he was laughing. So calm…so…at peace with himself. It was a look I hadn't seen on his face since before we began. It was something that had been extremely rare in the past nine years, just like this laughter of his. It was something that brought a smile to my face.

" You know…" I sad, flipping upside down again, " You haven't changed either. Not really."

Dib's sweet laughter slowly crashed into a halt. He slowly turned his large bandaged head back my way, to stare in disbelief.

It was true though. I had thought that all of those nights in that cage were my reality, and that all of my past was just some beautiful nightscare…but that wasn't right. Those nine years, almost that entire decade, was the dream. Out lives were beginning again now.

I think Dib realized this too, because we both started laughing. Our laughter echoed off the gymnatorium walls and it seemed to bounce its way to the stars. Laughter was strange and contagious in that way.

It was really funny when we thought about it. So many years ago, all that Dib had wanted was me captured. All I wanted was the Earth invaded and Dib's demise. In strange ways, we had both gotten exactly what we wanted. Existence was funny like that.

Ironically enough, it turned out the things that we had leased wanted, were the things we needed the most in this strange, horrible world. Each other. We were fierce enemies turned into companions or perhaps something more. It was a strange thing.

As our laughed carried on to the stars, to mock anyone that dared to cross our path, we were fairly certain of but one thing. One thing that carried beyond the stars and even deep space. This was all that we would ever need.

(A/N: Ta da! Now, some of you have been asking about a sequel...honestly, I hadn't even thought about writing one. XD I'm not going say definately not [incase I winding up eating my words], but if I do decide to, it won't be for a little while. So I hope you enjoyed the ride! Please R&R, one last time. : ) )


End file.
